I walk down the lane, with nothing but music for company.
I look around and all that envelops me is loneliness.
At times like this, all I wish dearly is for someone to be there, walking by my side.
One with whom I can just share my thoughts for the moment.
One with whom I can just sit beside, lean my head and doze off / cry as I grumble my butt off.
With all those around me, its just painful that all the relations I have is just breaking by the moment. All the dreams and such that I had of things changing, all just disappeared in the air, without me even realising it..... I got made use of, as ever, also without realising it....
Its just painful with all that is happening, I look beside me, wanting someone to be there, one with whom I can share out all this thoughts but there isn't anyone there.
The worst thing about it all was that I actually thought of just running away and that was favourable to me and later, I was shocked at myself for thinking of just leaving it all.... What about those whom I leave behind....
Thankfully, despite it all, I have music for my company, music being what it is, is always there for me-something I can tune in to and just let it surround me as I block all other thoughts away....
Frankly speaking, I have no idea why I am feeling all these. Things are going smooth but it can be for the fact that the pain from ties being broken has never healed or it can be due to the confusion that has arised in me... Once again.
I have totally no freaking idea as to where my life is headed. I can no longer visualise what I would be doing in the future. The idea of being a HOUSEWIFE seems really really lucrative at the moment ;)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
To my babies
I wrote the below story and I just decided to share with my Babies, whom I am totally missing terribly!!!
For you guys, love you lots=D
Min and Hyun were inseparable. They were always together ever since young. They both came into this world, within months of each other. They were introduced to each other when both were infants. They went to the same playschool. They went to the same nursery. They went to the same primary and secondary school. Both were following in the footsteps of their fathers, who were friends themselves. Both aspired to be boxers, legendary ones like their fathers. They trained hard day and night together. They were together all the time, except when they were spending time with their family or when they were sleeping or when they visited the washroom at school. Apart from these moments, they were basically twins stuck together at the waist.
Life is never a smooth flowing river, there are bound to be waves, small ones along with large tidal waves that are capable of destroying the surrounding.
Just like that, a strong wave hit them hard. One match, both the friends found standing at opposite ends as both stood at the other corner supporting their fathers who were in the ring, facing each other for the very first time. It was a tough fight as both were of the same level, which made the fight more intense. After a grueling battle, the friends turned into enemies. As Min’s father stood on the ring with his arms in the air, basking in the glory of victory, Hyun’s dad got out of the ring and walked away, without even congratulating his friend. Hyun followed behind his dad, not bothering to congratulate neither his friend nor his uncle.
Just like how they walked out of the stadium, the family later packed up everything and moved out of town. Min, though broken and lost without his friend, understood their reasons for doing so. Especially with every newspaper reporting about his dad’s winning, he knew that it would be painful on Hyun’s family. The only thing he wished was that Hyun could at least have said Goodbye to him. However, that was not the case and now, Min found himself all alone all of a sudden. His best buddy, his close friend was gone and Min knew no way of getting in touch with him. He tried to call Hyun’s cellphone but was informed that the number was out of service. Min tried all means and ways of getting in touch with Hyun but was met with a wall at every corner. He wasn't allowed to mention Hyun's name at home. His father never spoke of his friend ever. Just like that, they became enemies, one whom Min couldn't talk about, miss or even think of anymore.....
Just like that, Life’s wave had hit him and washed away taking his close friend along with it……
Ten years passed. Life moved on for them. Now, both were married with kids. Both Min and Hyun worked hard. They were now the best boxers in their regions. They both often heard of the other but they never came across each other. However, the saying that the world is small is very true and just like that, both of them came face to face with each other. Standing opposite each other in the ring, both now found themselves in the exact same spot as to where their fathers were years before.
As they shook hands and looked at each other, the memories spent together with each other flashed by their mind and both thought the same thing: I missed you.... I missed you so badly.... I miss the times we spent together. I missed not having you around when I graduated. I miss not having you around when I got a new girlfriend / when I suffered my first heartbreak. I missed not having you as my Best Man during my marriage. I missed you Min/Hyun.
However, they did not say a word to each other, they merely spoke through their eyes. Instead, they prepared for their fight. Having seen the opponent, both were fight an internal battle with themselves. Their were confused on doing their best to win or to let the other win, so as to be able to mend back their relationship??
"What if I win, then he feels bad about it and decides to just walk away like the other time?"
"However, what if I lose and he thinks that I lost purposely and I just lost as a mean of charity to him?"
Still fighting the internal battle, both started their fight......
At the end of the fight, both walked out of the ring, still aching and hurting from the fight. As Min started heading towards his room, Hyun ran after him and pulled him in for a backhug. " I missed you, Min." He whispered as he stayed in the hugging position, ignoring the whispers and the gasps of the people around them. Min continued walking and Hyun carefully balanced himself as he stared at the figure walking away.
When Hyun walked out of the centre, his wife and child beside him, he was greeted by a small kid, almost the age of his son, staring and smiling at him. As Hyun reached the end of the stairs, the kid ran up to him and started tugging at the hem of his shirt.
"Who are you, Little Angel?" Hyun said as he carefully picked the child up into his arms. The child stared at him before planting a kiss on his right cheeks. Hyun was startled by this action but was still happy. The child then started wrangling his legs and Hyun placed the child on the ground. Once his little feets were on the ground, the child got up and ran away. Hyun looked at the direction whereby the child was headed.
He looked as the child ran to the end of the road and his face turned into that of shock. There, the child ran to the man standing beside a parked car. As the man picked the child up, Hyun kept staring at him. Soon, he found himself walking towards the man, his wife and child following behind him.
Breaking into a run, Hyun ran to the man, who had placed the child down and tackled him with a Hug.
"MIN!" Hyun cried as he hugged his friend tightly. A good 5 minutes passed before Hyun finally let go of Min. They both smiled at each other.
After the hug, both then proceeded to pick up the bits and pieces of their life which had been destroyed by the wave which hit them years ago. As they went back home, both of them started to make their life turn back to they way it was before.... They started by introducing their kids to each other, followed by wife before they drove back to one of their houses.
Those who are meant to be in our lives, always manage to come back, after exiting. When they come back, the bond is strengthened despite the absence of the other from a certain portion of our life.... The string which connects us, stretches as far as it can and at the end of it, it pulls back and we see each other again.....
I miss you guys!
For you guys, love you lots=D
~
Min and Hyun were inseparable. They were always together ever since young. They both came into this world, within months of each other. They were introduced to each other when both were infants. They went to the same playschool. They went to the same nursery. They went to the same primary and secondary school. Both were following in the footsteps of their fathers, who were friends themselves. Both aspired to be boxers, legendary ones like their fathers. They trained hard day and night together. They were together all the time, except when they were spending time with their family or when they were sleeping or when they visited the washroom at school. Apart from these moments, they were basically twins stuck together at the waist.
Life is never a smooth flowing river, there are bound to be waves, small ones along with large tidal waves that are capable of destroying the surrounding.
Just like that, a strong wave hit them hard. One match, both the friends found standing at opposite ends as both stood at the other corner supporting their fathers who were in the ring, facing each other for the very first time. It was a tough fight as both were of the same level, which made the fight more intense. After a grueling battle, the friends turned into enemies. As Min’s father stood on the ring with his arms in the air, basking in the glory of victory, Hyun’s dad got out of the ring and walked away, without even congratulating his friend. Hyun followed behind his dad, not bothering to congratulate neither his friend nor his uncle.
Just like how they walked out of the stadium, the family later packed up everything and moved out of town. Min, though broken and lost without his friend, understood their reasons for doing so. Especially with every newspaper reporting about his dad’s winning, he knew that it would be painful on Hyun’s family. The only thing he wished was that Hyun could at least have said Goodbye to him. However, that was not the case and now, Min found himself all alone all of a sudden. His best buddy, his close friend was gone and Min knew no way of getting in touch with him. He tried to call Hyun’s cellphone but was informed that the number was out of service. Min tried all means and ways of getting in touch with Hyun but was met with a wall at every corner. He wasn't allowed to mention Hyun's name at home. His father never spoke of his friend ever. Just like that, they became enemies, one whom Min couldn't talk about, miss or even think of anymore.....
Just like that, Life’s wave had hit him and washed away taking his close friend along with it……
Ten years passed. Life moved on for them. Now, both were married with kids. Both Min and Hyun worked hard. They were now the best boxers in their regions. They both often heard of the other but they never came across each other. However, the saying that the world is small is very true and just like that, both of them came face to face with each other. Standing opposite each other in the ring, both now found themselves in the exact same spot as to where their fathers were years before.
As they shook hands and looked at each other, the memories spent together with each other flashed by their mind and both thought the same thing: I missed you.... I missed you so badly.... I miss the times we spent together. I missed not having you around when I graduated. I miss not having you around when I got a new girlfriend / when I suffered my first heartbreak. I missed not having you as my Best Man during my marriage. I missed you Min/Hyun.
However, they did not say a word to each other, they merely spoke through their eyes. Instead, they prepared for their fight. Having seen the opponent, both were fight an internal battle with themselves. Their were confused on doing their best to win or to let the other win, so as to be able to mend back their relationship??
"What if I win, then he feels bad about it and decides to just walk away like the other time?"
"However, what if I lose and he thinks that I lost purposely and I just lost as a mean of charity to him?"
Still fighting the internal battle, both started their fight......
At the end of the fight, both walked out of the ring, still aching and hurting from the fight. As Min started heading towards his room, Hyun ran after him and pulled him in for a backhug. " I missed you, Min." He whispered as he stayed in the hugging position, ignoring the whispers and the gasps of the people around them. Min continued walking and Hyun carefully balanced himself as he stared at the figure walking away.
When Hyun walked out of the centre, his wife and child beside him, he was greeted by a small kid, almost the age of his son, staring and smiling at him. As Hyun reached the end of the stairs, the kid ran up to him and started tugging at the hem of his shirt.
"Who are you, Little Angel?" Hyun said as he carefully picked the child up into his arms. The child stared at him before planting a kiss on his right cheeks. Hyun was startled by this action but was still happy. The child then started wrangling his legs and Hyun placed the child on the ground. Once his little feets were on the ground, the child got up and ran away. Hyun looked at the direction whereby the child was headed.
He looked as the child ran to the end of the road and his face turned into that of shock. There, the child ran to the man standing beside a parked car. As the man picked the child up, Hyun kept staring at him. Soon, he found himself walking towards the man, his wife and child following behind him.
Breaking into a run, Hyun ran to the man, who had placed the child down and tackled him with a Hug.
"MIN!" Hyun cried as he hugged his friend tightly. A good 5 minutes passed before Hyun finally let go of Min. They both smiled at each other.
After the hug, both then proceeded to pick up the bits and pieces of their life which had been destroyed by the wave which hit them years ago. As they went back home, both of them started to make their life turn back to they way it was before.... They started by introducing their kids to each other, followed by wife before they drove back to one of their houses.
Those who are meant to be in our lives, always manage to come back, after exiting. When they come back, the bond is strengthened despite the absence of the other from a certain portion of our life.... The string which connects us, stretches as far as it can and at the end of it, it pulls back and we see each other again.....
~
I miss you guys!
Friday, May 20, 2011
LIFE
When I should be awake, I want to sleep.
When I should be sleeping, I lie awake.
When it's time to work, I want to play.
There is hardly a time when I want to work.
I studied something and am now doing something else,
but that does not mean I hate my job.
I get nothing on some days,
I get nonstop work on the next.
I am excited about their arrival,
I fear their arrival and the headache it brings.
I am happy whenever I get a confirmation,
I am even happier when they leave and I have to do the accounts -_-
I had different expectations from life,
I got other things from what I expected.
I craved for love and comfort of family,
in the end, I was given enemies.
I want to move forward and continue doing something I love,
I have no idea on what I should take to move forward.
I crave for longing and the warmth of a hug,
I am greeted with loneliness all around me.
I seek a place to call my own,
I am treated like a stranger, which makes me wonder = Where is home?
I have started a hobby, writing out thoughts in stories,
I ended up being addicted to it.
I hate myself for being too addicted,
as the addiction has to come to an end one day.
I wanna learn something new =New Language/Sign Language/Instrument,
but I have no idea on what step to take to start........
Finally, I feel relieved after writing it all out =)
When I should be sleeping, I lie awake.
When it's time to work, I want to play.
There is hardly a time when I want to work.
I studied something and am now doing something else,
but that does not mean I hate my job.
I get nothing on some days,
I get nonstop work on the next.
I am excited about their arrival,
I fear their arrival and the headache it brings.
I am happy whenever I get a confirmation,
I am even happier when they leave and I have to do the accounts -_-
I had different expectations from life,
I got other things from what I expected.
I craved for love and comfort of family,
in the end, I was given enemies.
I want to move forward and continue doing something I love,
I have no idea on what I should take to move forward.
I crave for longing and the warmth of a hug,
I am greeted with loneliness all around me.
I seek a place to call my own,
I am treated like a stranger, which makes me wonder = Where is home?
I have started a hobby, writing out thoughts in stories,
I ended up being addicted to it.
I hate myself for being too addicted,
as the addiction has to come to an end one day.
I wanna learn something new =New Language/Sign Language/Instrument,
but I have no idea on what step to take to start........
Finally, I feel relieved after writing it all out =)
Monday, May 16, 2011
Writing
In a bid to escape doing work, I came across the below post on the web and was really touched by what was written. I think that letters are now totally a thing of the long gone past, and yet, to actually sit and realise the importance and the impact of the letter is so much more touching and heartfelt as per compared to sms or even e-mail.... Though the same words and letters are used for all the trio, the act of having to sit down, take out the paper and write it out is I guess something in a different league.... Funny thing is that this is the second time I am coming across a post on Letters within a day.
The second one was on Mother-Daughter bond which was sweet and touching.
The links for the two posts:
Letters
Mother-Daughter Bond
I started writing out this post with some other intention and ended up writing about something else.... I am so easily distracted. I was looking for an image and ended up on the Letters link and I blogged about it..... Goodness me.
This whole addiction to write is overtaking me badly. Every second and minute, all I wanna do is sit and write the story further. The worst thing is that I have totally no idea on how to continue my current story and instead, am coming up with other one shots..... I am just getting my other leg stucked in the Mud to join the first leg.... Dammit, this is the first time an addiction is getting so damn bad... Like seriously, I have no idea on how to get rid of all the thoughts and such that come to me.
I don't know if its because of all that happened and such but I am now liking ANGST stories. Not that I wanna write that in my main story but I am totally becoming a sucker for Angst compared to normal kind of stories..... This coming from someone who can't watch sad movies from start till the end.... Screw it=this just shows how bad a writer I am, for not being able to properly express out the characters emotions....
The second one was on Mother-Daughter bond which was sweet and touching.
The links for the two posts:
Letters
Mother-Daughter Bond
I started writing out this post with some other intention and ended up writing about something else.... I am so easily distracted. I was looking for an image and ended up on the Letters link and I blogged about it..... Goodness me.
This whole addiction to write is overtaking me badly. Every second and minute, all I wanna do is sit and write the story further. The worst thing is that I have totally no idea on how to continue my current story and instead, am coming up with other one shots..... I am just getting my other leg stucked in the Mud to join the first leg.... Dammit, this is the first time an addiction is getting so damn bad... Like seriously, I have no idea on how to get rid of all the thoughts and such that come to me.
I don't know if its because of all that happened and such but I am now liking ANGST stories. Not that I wanna write that in my main story but I am totally becoming a sucker for Angst compared to normal kind of stories..... This coming from someone who can't watch sad movies from start till the end.... Screw it=this just shows how bad a writer I am, for not being able to properly express out the characters emotions....
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Light at the End of Tunnel
Finally, I am able to see the a bit of light after having traveled in this tunnel for the past 21days. Though, I would not be fully able to step out into the light till Thursday, it feels awesome seeing the little bit glimmer of HOPE, Happiness and Enjoyment...
Ok, I know that I am over-exaggerating but seriously, the past few weeks [21st Apr onwards] have been one hack of a roller coaster ride= Endless calls: Calls that serve as an alarm clock at 6am, Calls that still come though its 11.30pm at night, and the numerous calls throughout the day which kept coming one after another. I have never feared technology as much as I feared the Phone these past few days.... Moreover, the tension of vehicles=Vehicles which are not there, People who are not there, Vehicle which can't wait anymore, People who come out late and the whole list is endless.....
It was HELL. Really, totally one hack of a Hell ride. Though I learnt much from this whole period, there was still the downside of this which led to me being more forgetful, having to handle more than I can accomodate on my plate and the tears, on the days whereby it got too much, they would just come and linger around in my eyes before I had to blink them away, before they got a chance to fall....
Truly, this whole period was one hack of a ride, full with its ups[the stories and little jokes I got to hear from them] and downs [which there was a lot] and after it all, its finally gonna end......Am just so damn excited...
Btw, on a side note:
Ok, I know that I am over-exaggerating but seriously, the past few weeks [21st Apr onwards] have been one hack of a roller coaster ride= Endless calls: Calls that serve as an alarm clock at 6am, Calls that still come though its 11.30pm at night, and the numerous calls throughout the day which kept coming one after another. I have never feared technology as much as I feared the Phone these past few days.... Moreover, the tension of vehicles=Vehicles which are not there, People who are not there, Vehicle which can't wait anymore, People who come out late and the whole list is endless.....
It was HELL. Really, totally one hack of a Hell ride. Though I learnt much from this whole period, there was still the downside of this which led to me being more forgetful, having to handle more than I can accomodate on my plate and the tears, on the days whereby it got too much, they would just come and linger around in my eyes before I had to blink them away, before they got a chance to fall....
Truly, this whole period was one hack of a ride, full with its ups[the stories and little jokes I got to hear from them] and downs [which there was a lot] and after it all, its finally gonna end......Am just so damn excited...
Btw, on a side note:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!
[First time he isn't here with us on his Birthday =( ]
[First time he isn't here with us on his Birthday =( ]
Monday, May 9, 2011
Travel
This is one industry whereby there is fun, which comes along with depression or more like stress. Though it is a known fact that every job comes with a downside as well.... I just feel that the downside for this industry is a bit too heavy......
It's a 24/7 industry. Literally. You get calls and orders for any time of the day and everyday.... It really gets tiring at times [this is just my viewpoint]..... Moreover, the bad thing is that majority of the times, we are the middleman and being that, is a BAD BAD thing... You receive calls on your right, and before you hang up, your left is already dialing up another number... Guests call you for vehicles,You check the location of the vehicle, you get calls for missing guests and it's a never ending cycle....
The worse thing is that we are the ones who always have to bear the brunt... Just because we are in direct contact with guests on one side and agents on the other.....
LAST MINUTE=oh this is one word an hating so much... There are lotsa last minute jobs. I still cant forget how horridly I was awoke yesterday, getting a call from the agent to tell me that the guests are already on the Bus from Malaysia to Singapore. The next thing I knew, my Sunday vanished with me making all last minute arrangements for the group, from Vehicle to Guide to Meal bookings....
On the other side, there are lotsa people entering this industry and despite all the grumbling above, I can totally relate to the interest of joining this industry. You meet lotsa different type of guests and despite the nasty ones, there are the nice ones, you would talk sweetly to you, patiently wait for the vehicles without making a big hoo-haa and at the end of their trip, give you a call to say Thank You before departing = these people are the reason that there is a smile on our faces at the end of the day.
Other than that, it is the nonstop endless stories that we get to share with others at the end of the day. I remember my Dad telling us his stories and truthfully, before getting into this line, I didn't really had much interest in them. However, after I started working in this line, the interest in listening to his stories grew and its fun to hear cause we get to listen and learn from the experience of tourists in our home country, things to learn on how to behave when we step into the shoes of a tourist in the future... I think the most interesting story I hear and feel is spooky and scary at the same time is the story of a newly wed couple who went onboard a Cruise and they didn't return... The vehicle waited 3 hours but they didn't show up at the Cruise Centre. We called the hotel numerous times and the guests had not checked-in even till 11pm that night... They didn't even show up for their Departure back home..... No idea as to what happened to the Couple.
Ok, it feels damn nice to have let out all the above thoughts from my system... Feel so free right now.. and Damn the weather .... I just bathed and within 30 minutes, am feeling so icky and sticky......
It's a 24/7 industry. Literally. You get calls and orders for any time of the day and everyday.... It really gets tiring at times [this is just my viewpoint]..... Moreover, the bad thing is that majority of the times, we are the middleman and being that, is a BAD BAD thing... You receive calls on your right, and before you hang up, your left is already dialing up another number... Guests call you for vehicles,You check the location of the vehicle, you get calls for missing guests and it's a never ending cycle....
The worse thing is that we are the ones who always have to bear the brunt... Just because we are in direct contact with guests on one side and agents on the other.....
LAST MINUTE=oh this is one word an hating so much... There are lotsa last minute jobs. I still cant forget how horridly I was awoke yesterday, getting a call from the agent to tell me that the guests are already on the Bus from Malaysia to Singapore. The next thing I knew, my Sunday vanished with me making all last minute arrangements for the group, from Vehicle to Guide to Meal bookings....
On the other side, there are lotsa people entering this industry and despite all the grumbling above, I can totally relate to the interest of joining this industry. You meet lotsa different type of guests and despite the nasty ones, there are the nice ones, you would talk sweetly to you, patiently wait for the vehicles without making a big hoo-haa and at the end of their trip, give you a call to say Thank You before departing = these people are the reason that there is a smile on our faces at the end of the day.
Other than that, it is the nonstop endless stories that we get to share with others at the end of the day. I remember my Dad telling us his stories and truthfully, before getting into this line, I didn't really had much interest in them. However, after I started working in this line, the interest in listening to his stories grew and its fun to hear cause we get to listen and learn from the experience of tourists in our home country, things to learn on how to behave when we step into the shoes of a tourist in the future... I think the most interesting story I hear and feel is spooky and scary at the same time is the story of a newly wed couple who went onboard a Cruise and they didn't return... The vehicle waited 3 hours but they didn't show up at the Cruise Centre. We called the hotel numerous times and the guests had not checked-in even till 11pm that night... They didn't even show up for their Departure back home..... No idea as to what happened to the Couple.
Ok, it feels damn nice to have let out all the above thoughts from my system... Feel so free right now.. and Damn the weather .... I just bathed and within 30 minutes, am feeling so icky and sticky......
Thursday, May 5, 2011
Updates
For the past few weeks, I was too engaged in writing out stories rather than writing out my thoughts... and moreover, I was figuring a way to revamp my blog and was going too crazy experimenting around that by the end of the day, I was left too frustrated to even write down anything.
Finally, today I am able to solve everything out. I moved my storied to LJ [Here] , so as to separate my hobby and my thoughts....
With Dad being away, I can feel that being in his shoes is TOO MUCH OF A RESPONSIBILITY. As for me, I am at home and handling the calls but he, he would be driving on the roads and getting all the calls along with personal calls in between.... I just don't get how he is able to handle it out...
The good point of this came that, I have managed to come up with a way so as to make his along with my life, a little simpler and that would leave him a little free...
But for the time being, the CALLS.... OH THE CALLS..... I feel like either banging my head or throwing away the calls... Now I totally understand when Reka said that She is not a phone person, because I am not one too and in the end, I cant let go the calls because the calls are business and that is what we cant let go.....
Oh .... I am just awaiting for 11th May.... Please come by Fast!!!!!
Finally, today I am able to solve everything out. I moved my storied to LJ [Here] , so as to separate my hobby and my thoughts....
With Dad being away, I can feel that being in his shoes is TOO MUCH OF A RESPONSIBILITY. As for me, I am at home and handling the calls but he, he would be driving on the roads and getting all the calls along with personal calls in between.... I just don't get how he is able to handle it out...
The good point of this came that, I have managed to come up with a way so as to make his along with my life, a little simpler and that would leave him a little free...
But for the time being, the CALLS.... OH THE CALLS..... I feel like either banging my head or throwing away the calls... Now I totally understand when Reka said that She is not a phone person, because I am not one too and in the end, I cant let go the calls because the calls are business and that is what we cant let go.....
Oh .... I am just awaiting for 11th May.... Please come by Fast!!!!!
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