Changes that Hurt....

With all that has been happening and that I have been hearing, frankly speaking it hurts to think that everything done and said can just be destroyed in a moment. To hear them talk about it and try to make fun of it, it can be seen that though they have laughter and smiles on their faces, in truth, they are really hurt. To have the same thing happen to the both of them-they are both really hurt........Everything said and done-if it was to be the case of anyone, I am sure it would be painful but to do this to ur own.....

When I used to see such things on the TV and Movies when I was young, I used to think how can people treat their on family like garbage but now I when I see the same type of things on tv or drama, I feel that this is so expected. In all, the conclusion basically is that TRUST NO ONE...be it some random stranger whom you bump into on the streets or your own child........

I remember that when I once heard him say that why would he depend on us for their old age, I found myself hurt and was really in disbelief but seeing the events that have happened this past few years, I am sure that now, he is even more unwilling to trust in anyone but nonetheless, I still find myself wanting to do things for them...be it now or in the future....at least the most I can do now is to accompany her which isnt really a big thing to me but means a lot to her-so am thankful that with my current lifestyle, at least I can do something for her....It feels nice when I am lying by her side or just sitting beside her and she opens up to me...though the things that are discussed are painful, I realised that both of us just try to laugh it off to ease the pain.....

I am kinda sad that I cant tell her abt things that are happening with him but even about that, I feel sad as to the difference in treatment...it really is painful when I sense the difference but there isnt much that can be done about it...atleast if I know about it, I can expect less and be less disappointed right??...if things are already going this way from now, what would happen in the future-I guess we can only wait and see for the future is an mystery gift which only opens itself when the right time arrives....

Seriously, I wish that I could just bring them with me go off to some other place whereby we could be free of all this but this is a totally impossible wish because try as you like, relations and bonds are something that you can never run away from......It S*CKS!!!

What can we take on trust
in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness,
pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps.
~Euripides, Hecuba

It's been long.....

It's been a while since I last blogged.....frankly speaking I guess the reason would be that my life is seriously going in a monotone direction currently that I an unable to find anything to blog about. I am spending everyday at home, doing nothing but housework...and that's all there is to it.

At times, it feels nice as I relaxed and such but at other times, it just gets too boring when there is nothing to do and nothing on TV as well...even my mom has started to feel bored nowadays....thinking of getting cable.....

At least previously, there were driving lessons that kept me occupied for a few days of the week-the day of the lesson and 2 days before and after the lesson. I still remember that I used to be scared going for the lesson because I didn't really like being scolded by him and I was kinda scared of driving the car but as the lessons progressed, I started looking for to driving and enjoyed it but still hated the scolding part as usually, I was getting scolded for repeating the same mistakes or going slow....and the scoldings would keep ringing in my mind for the days after the lesson...Hmmmm, but now that I have got my license[which I still am not able to believe and am totally over the moon for though I cant rent a car and drive it around], there seems to be not much fun things left to look ahead for.

As much as I would like to go out at the last minute, I am unable to do so for the following two reasons:
-Friends are busy working their ass off unlike me....
-Seating at home has resulted in my bank balance dipping like mad






Thankfully, there is at least the planning for Mita's part for which I can be a lil excited but even that is on hold currently as we are unable to do much without having her see and decide....so we have to wait for her to get back from her lil holiday.........

Seriously...it really is getting boring but though I have complained and yakked so much about it, at times, I am grateful for the lifestyle I am currently leading as I get to take life at a pace which otherwise, I would not be able to do so.....So I guess I am just gonna shut up and ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS......

Videos...

Once again-m hooked to vids and these are the current ones on repeat:-

Paisa Paisa, De Dana Dan...tis movie was shot in Spore...so its cool to see familiar surroundings in the movie:-


Watched this movie Jaan-E-Mann and this three songs r so captivating....they r damn n nice n happenin.....:-







Am sure all tis vids are a treat for Rac as there is Salman Khan in every single 4 of them....hahaha

My Sexy.....

Ok can I just say for the nth number of time that I am totally in love wif my nephew-My Sexy Baby....totally head over heels in love with him....I guess the best thing was that when I went to his house n saw him after almost 3 months, he still recognized me and didnt cry when I carried him...the next time, when he came over-he didnt cry when I was playin wif him as well and the most best thing was today....I carried him when we went to fetch him n he stayed wif me thruout, occasionally gg to his mom n granny...but the most touching thing was tat he totally stayed with me....it felt so nice n comfortable....and thruout, I was talking to him n the best wud be when he shaked his head in response to what I said....I am seriously in love wif this Angel........

Babies are truly angels sent to Earth...their smallest action beings upon a smile to everyones face...their smile can melt the most stony hearts.......totally beautiful gifts.....

I got It!!!

Was so happy when he said you passed. I actually didnt hear him the first time and said-Sorry? -You passed. -OMG!! Thank You so much!! Kinda stupid response eh...but when he gave me the paper and I walked out, I looked like an ass smiling to myself...was so happy calling up and smsing dear ones to tell them abt it....A imp person was missin as shes abroad....suprisingly, while awaiting to watch the video-met up wif Sec school mate Ron...It was nice meeting someone unexpectedly.......

The TP ppl really know how to get to you....Just when you are on top of the moon, smiling and laughing non-stop, crying tears of joy, they send you to watch a video which shows you gory images...but I guess in a way, it is the right time to show you as its betta to learn early....

Am just so happy and thankful to GOD for being truly gracious to me and blessing you thoroughly!!! Am just still in disbelief tat I have got it and am now wondering-WHAT NOW??

Driving.....

Right now, I am so very freaking out about it all....the days are totally creeping up .....Yesterday was the most horrible lesson ever-got so much scolding, as if the scoldings from all the lessons got accumulated and were blown off at me yesterday.....haha well, at least today was much better, at least the car didnt have to die 3-4 times...haha I killed the car 3-4 times yesterday...haha........Well, am keepin my fingers crossed.....

Along with that, I hope to get it-I really want it!!! I mean this is something that can please both my parents and me-Please GOD!!!

Life's Lessons

While thinking back on the sms that she had sent me, I decided to rethink why did I even type out such an sms to her in the first place. As I reread the sms that I had sent to her, I realised that whatever I had typed was exactly how I was feeling......to tell the truth, I dont feel it a bad thing actually since feeling this way actually made me feel better because this way, I stopped having the childish thought which I have had till now...In a way, I can say that I have matured...I have stopped having expectations and believing because they have led to nothing but disappointment and also because actually believing just lead me being in pain...all the expectations and trust that I had towards them lead to nothing more than them just turning their backs at me, stabbing me in the back, calling me a liar and such on......Thankfully, with the way that I am feeling right now, I can simply say-WADEVA without feeling a tinge of pain my heart .....

Life is said to be a bed of rose,
I have slept on this bed and experienced the most beautiful smells and dreams.
However, I have bleed as well on this same bed of roses,
as I was pierced by the thorns which had always been there but I chose to not look at.
Having gone through both the pain and joy, I feel myself becoming more matured along with armouring myself to prevent myself from being pierced again.

Will the protection that I am taking from being pierced lead me to becoming an unfeeling person towards them? This I do not know and frankly, I cant be bothered because I know that in the end, I am nothing more than a person for them to put the blame on as well as a person for them to ridicule....You laugh at me just because I am a quiet person who does not voice out, I say that its your stupidity to think this way because something that you do not expect can be just a time bomb ticking away before exploding....
I know myself the best and I know the reason why I choose to take it in myself instead of voicing out, an action which hurts a lot and yet I continue to do it....I realise the reason is simply because I love them and do not want them to be hurt because of me. However, just because I am quiet, I am not an idiot nor a simpleton...I take in all the things that are happening around me and this better helps me to figure out the type of person you are.....
In the end, I find out that even though the word is one whereby you should be feeling comforted, I find myself not being able to think about being there and fitting in with one and all....Instead, I feel like an outsider and I suppose-that is how I have been treated by them....Well, WHATEVER.....it is not like I am ever going to living there.........
Sometimes, I feel like whether I even want to here, where I am.....Well, if things go wrong with 'Him' as well, I guess I would really consider going off to a place where I can be free of all these things, though it would mean leaving my life behind.....
Words such as 'family' and phrases such as 'helping each other out in times of need' are nothing more than a few letters put together=MEANINGLESS!