There are numerous thoughts running through my mind. Seriously, numerous things are running through but when it comes to writing them down here, I am unable to do so.... I don't even know where to start from... I badly need someone to just listen to me rant out.... However, though Jagiya had listened to me and it felt nice talking out to her, I am unable to get these feelings out... I think that the best way is to talk to them but I know that in the end, with the way things are going for them, I don't think that there would be any point.....
It's depressing to think that way but I know that there is no point. Even if I were to talk it out with them, in the end, no outcome will come out of it. -_- There's just this heavy feeling....
Moreover, to top that up, I have heard nothing about my application and I am getting news of them going for interview for the same thing. In this way, half of me is gearing up for rejection and that feeling itself is painful. I am just feeling scared once again... I don't get why every time I give my best shot, I get back nothing in return. Why can't my own Life move the way I want it to head towards.... Why do all my efforts result to zilch? It's just exasperating, really very exasperating....
At times, it just feels that my own life isn't even my own in a way. This itself feels tiresome, I can't seem to steer the car in the direction I want it to head in, instead, being on Auto, it is totally being controlled by someone else.....
The only good thing out of all these is that I have started writing stories after a long time and I am happy that I restarted that habit because, that is one way for me to live out my thoughts...... I just wonder if it wasn't for that, what would happen......
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