Being Used

When I was juz sitting n chattin away wif Mita, I realised something. When she smsed me today wif tat request- it again made me realise the same thing. I hate the idea of being used and yet, I found myself turning to her oni at these kind of needs... I felt so bad-I seriously felt like shit and was disgusted at my own actions...... I guess I din look at it this way but when I told her and apologised to her, I felt so relieved=Seriously, just opening up and taking totally cleans the air and all becomes well again.....

I have no idea why but wheneva am walking down alone or jus somewhere whereby am by myself, I keep thinking of my prev. birthday and I get a very heavy lonely feeling.... The feeling intensifies when I look @ the MNG bag I got from my babes, which is currently sitting away in a corner waiting for the day whereby my mom juz bursts n it wud disappear...... Previous birthday was one whereby it was really very quiet and I myself din even get the feeling tat it was my birthday..... I dont know why I keep thinking back to that moment just like how previously I was thinking abt the moment whereby mom n I came back from India..... Both these situations give a very depressing feeling of being alone, of not seeing something whereby u had expected to see......... I donno why