While thinking back on the sms that she had sent me, I decided to rethink why did I even type out such an sms to her in the first place. As I reread the sms that I had sent to her, I realised that whatever I had typed was exactly how I was feeling......to tell the truth, I dont feel it a bad thing actually since feeling this way actually made me feel better because this way, I stopped having the childish thought which I have had till now...In a way, I can say that I have matured...I have stopped having expectations and believing because they have led to nothing but disappointment and also because actually believing just lead me being in pain...all the expectations and trust that I had towards them lead to nothing more than them just turning their backs at me, stabbing me in the back, calling me a liar and such on......Thankfully, with the way that I am feeling right now, I can simply say-WADEVA without feeling a tinge of pain my heart .....
Life is said to be a bed of rose,
I have slept on this bed and experienced the most beautiful smells and dreams.
However, I have bleed as well on this same bed of roses,
as I was pierced by the thorns which had always been there but I chose to not look at.
Having gone through both the pain and joy, I feel myself becoming more matured along with armouring myself to prevent myself from being pierced again.
Will the protection that I am taking from being pierced lead me to becoming an unfeeling person towards them? This I do not know and frankly, I cant be bothered because I know that in the end, I am nothing more than a person for them to put the blame on as well as a person for them to ridicule....You laugh at me just because I am a quiet person who does not voice out, I say that its your stupidity to think this way because something that you do not expect can be just a time bomb ticking away before exploding....I have slept on this bed and experienced the most beautiful smells and dreams.
However, I have bleed as well on this same bed of roses,
as I was pierced by the thorns which had always been there but I chose to not look at.
Having gone through both the pain and joy, I feel myself becoming more matured along with armouring myself to prevent myself from being pierced again.
I know myself the best and I know the reason why I choose to take it in myself instead of voicing out, an action which hurts a lot and yet I continue to do it....I realise the reason is simply because I love them and do not want them to be hurt because of me. However, just because I am quiet, I am not an idiot nor a simpleton...I take in all the things that are happening around me and this better helps me to figure out the type of person you are.....
In the end, I find out that even though the word is one whereby you should be feeling comforted, I find myself not being able to think about being there and fitting in with one and all....Instead, I feel like an outsider and I suppose-that is how I have been treated by them....Well, WHATEVER.....it is not like I am ever going to living there.........
Sometimes, I feel like whether I even want to here, where I am.....Well, if things go wrong with 'Him' as well, I guess I would really consider going off to a place where I can be free of all these things, though it would mean leaving my life behind.....
Words such as 'family' and phrases such as 'helping each other out in times of need' are nothing more than a few letters put together=MEANINGLESS!
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