Just Me In The End-~PoOjA~

Long While

2011-06-13T12:01:00.002+08:00

It's been a long time since I updated.....

Slowly slowly, blogging is becoming an addiction ;D

It's nice to be able to just rant out one's thoughts and all that have happened. Also, the greatest thing about blog is that dear ones, who are far away are able to know what is happening with their relative :)

All in all, more than anything, LIFE IS TRULY INTERESTING... All the events and incidents that occur play a crucial role in shaping up our lives.....

Thoughts

2011-05-26T13:44:00.002+08:00

I walk down the lane, with nothing but music for company.

I look around and all that envelops me is loneliness.

At times like this, all I wish dearly is for someone to be there, walking by my side.

One with whom I can just share my thoughts for the moment.

One with whom I can just sit beside, lean my head and doze off / cry as I grumble my butt off.

With all those around me, its just painful that all the relations I have is just breaking by the moment. All the dreams and such that I had of things changing, all just disappeared in the air, without me even realising it..... I got made use of, as ever, also without realising it....

Its just painful with all that is happening, I look beside me, wanting someone to be there, one with whom I can share out all this thoughts but there isn't anyone there.

The worst thing about it all was that I actually thought of just running away and that was favourable to me and later, I was shocked at myself for thinking of just leaving it all.... What about those whom I leave behind....

Thankfully, despite it all, I have music for my company, music being what it is, is always there for me-something I can tune in to and just let it surround me as I block all other thoughts away....

Frankly speaking, I have no idea why I am feeling all these. Things are going smooth but it can be for the fact that the pain from ties being broken has never healed or it can be due to the confusion that has arised in me... Once again.

I have totally no freaking idea as to where my life is headed. I can no longer visualise what I would be doing in the future. The idea of being a HOUSEWIFE seems really really lucrative at the moment ;)

To my babies

2011-05-23T20:36:00.002+08:00

I wrote the below story and I just decided to share with my Babies, whom I am totally missing terribly!!!

For you guys, love you lots=D

Min and Hyun were inseparable. They were always together ever since young. They both came into this world, within months of each other. They were introduced to each other when both were infants. They went to the same playschool. They went to the same nursery. They went to the same primary and secondary school. Both were following in the footsteps of their fathers, who were friends themselves. Both aspired to be boxers, legendary ones like their fathers. They trained hard day and night together. They were together all the time, except when they were spending time with their family or when they were sleeping or when they visited the washroom at school. Apart from these moments, they were basically twins stuck together at the waist.

Life is never a smooth flowing river, there are bound to be waves, small ones along with large tidal waves that are capable of destroying the surrounding.

Just like that, a strong wave hit them hard. One match, both the friends found standing at opposite ends as both stood at the other corner supporting their fathers who were in the ring, facing each other for the very first time. It was a tough fight as both were of the same level, which made the fight more intense. After a grueling battle, the friends turned into enemies. As Min’s father stood on the ring with his arms in the air, basking in the glory of victory, Hyun’s dad got out of the ring and walked away, without even congratulating his friend. Hyun followed behind his dad, not bothering to congratulate neither his friend nor his uncle.

Just like how they walked out of the stadium, the family later packed up everything and moved out of town. Min, though broken and lost without his friend, understood their reasons for doing so. Especially with every newspaper reporting about his dad’s winning, he knew that it would be painful on Hyun’s family. The only thing he wished was that Hyun could at least have said Goodbye to him. However, that was not the case and now, Min found himself all alone all of a sudden. His best buddy, his close friend was gone and Min knew no way of getting in touch with him. He tried to call Hyun’s cellphone but was informed that the number was out of service. Min tried all means and ways of getting in touch with Hyun but was met with a wall at every corner. He wasn't allowed to mention Hyun's name at home. His father never spoke of his friend ever. Just like that, they became enemies, one whom Min couldn't talk about, miss or even think of anymore.....

Just like that, Life’s wave had hit him and washed away taking his close friend along with it……

Ten years passed. Life moved on for them. Now, both were married with kids. Both Min and Hyun worked hard. They were now the best boxers in their regions. They both often heard of the other but they never came across each other. However, the saying that the world is small is very true and just like that, both of them came face to face with each other. Standing opposite each other in the ring, both now found themselves in the exact same spot as to where their fathers were years before.

As they shook hands and looked at each other, the memories spent together with each other flashed by their mind and both thought the same thing: I missed you.... I missed you so badly.... I miss the times we spent together. I missed not having you around when I graduated. I miss not having you around when I got a new girlfriend / when I suffered my first heartbreak. I missed not having you as my Best Man during my marriage. I missed you Min/Hyun.

However, they did not say a word to each other, they merely spoke through their eyes. Instead, they prepared for their fight. Having seen the opponent, both were fight an internal battle with themselves. Their were confused on doing their best to win or to let the other win, so as to be able to mend back their relationship??

"What if I win, then he feels bad about it and decides to just walk away like the other time?"
"However, what if I lose and he thinks that I lost purposely and I just lost as a mean of charity to him?"

Still fighting the internal battle, both started their fight......

At the end of the fight, both walked out of the ring, still aching and hurting from the fight. As Min started heading towards his room, Hyun ran after him and pulled him in for a backhug. " I missed you, Min." He whispered as he stayed in the hugging position, ignoring the whispers and the gasps of the people around them. Min continued walking and Hyun carefully balanced himself as he stared at the figure walking away.

When Hyun walked out of the centre, his wife and child beside him, he was greeted by a small kid, almost the age of his son, staring and smiling at him. As Hyun reached the end of the stairs, the kid ran up to him and started tugging at the hem of his shirt.

"Who are you, Little Angel?" Hyun said as he carefully picked the child up into his arms. The child stared at him before planting a kiss on his right cheeks. Hyun was startled by this action but was still happy. The child then started wrangling his legs and Hyun placed the child on the ground. Once his little feets were on the ground, the child got up and ran away. Hyun looked at the direction whereby the child was headed.

He looked as the child ran to the end of the road and his face turned into that of shock. There, the child ran to the man standing beside a parked car. As the man picked the child up, Hyun kept staring at him. Soon, he found himself walking towards the man, his wife and child following behind him.

Breaking into a run, Hyun ran to the man, who had placed the child down and tackled him with a Hug.
"MIN!" Hyun cried as he hugged his friend tightly. A good 5 minutes passed before Hyun finally let go of Min. They both smiled at each other.

After the hug, both then proceeded to pick up the bits and pieces of their life which had been destroyed by the wave which hit them years ago. As they went back home, both of them started to make their life turn back to they way it was before.... They started by introducing their kids to each other, followed by wife before they drove back to one of their houses.

Those who are meant to be in our lives, always manage to come back, after exiting. When they come back, the bond is strengthened despite the absence of the other from a certain portion of our life.... The string which connects us, stretches as far as it can and at the end of it, it pulls back and we see each other again.....

I miss you guys!

LIFE

2011-05-20T11:20:00.003+08:00

When I should be awake, I want to sleep.
When I should be sleeping, I lie awake.

When it's time to work, I want to play.
There is hardly a time when I want to work.

I studied something and am now doing something else,
but that does not mean I hate my job.

I get nothing on some days,
I get nonstop work on the next.

I am excited about their arrival,
I fear their arrival and the headache it brings.

I am happy whenever I get a confirmation,
I am even happier when they leave and I have to do the accounts -_-

I had different expectations from life,
I got other things from what I expected.

I craved for love and comfort of family,
in the end, I was given enemies.

I want to move forward and continue doing something I love,
I have no idea on what I should take to move forward.

I crave for longing and the warmth of a hug,
I am greeted with loneliness all around me.

I seek a place to call my own,
I am treated like a stranger, which makes me wonder = Where is home?

I have started a hobby, writing out thoughts in stories,
I ended up being addicted to it.
I hate myself for being too addicted,
as the addiction has to come to an end one day.

I wanna learn something new =New Language/Sign Language/Instrument,
but I have no idea on what step to take to start........

Finally, I feel relieved after writing it all out =)

2011-05-16T16:15:00.003+08:00

Writing

2011-05-16T12:50:00.004+08:00

In a bid to escape doing work, I came across the below post on the web and was really touched by what was written. I think that letters are now totally a thing of the long gone past, and yet, to actually sit and realise the importance and the impact of the letter is so much more touching and heartfelt as per compared to sms or even e-mail.... Though the same words and letters are used for all the trio, the act of having to sit down, take out the paper and write it out is I guess something in a different league.... Funny thing is that this is the second time I am coming across a post on Letters within a day.

The second one was on Mother-Daughter bond which was sweet and touching.

The links for the two posts:

Letters
Mother-Daughter Bond

I started writing out this post with some other intention and ended up writing about something else.... I am so easily distracted. I was looking for an image and ended up on the Letters link and I blogged about it..... Goodness me.

This whole addiction to write is overtaking me badly. Every second and minute, all I wanna do is sit and write the story further. The worst thing is that I have totally no idea on how to continue my current story and instead, am coming up with other one shots..... I am just getting my other leg stucked in the Mud to join the first leg.... Dammit, this is the first time an addiction is getting so damn bad... Like seriously, I have no idea on how to get rid of all the thoughts and such that come to me.

I don't know if its because of all that happened and such but I am now liking ANGST stories. Not that I wanna write that in my main story but I am totally becoming a sucker for Angst compared to normal kind of stories..... This coming from someone who can't watch sad movies from start till the end.... Screw it=this just shows how bad a writer I am, for not being able to properly express out the characters emotions....

Light at the End of Tunnel

2011-05-10T18:46:00.003+08:00

Finally, I am able to see the a bit of light after having traveled in this tunnel for the past 21days. Though, I would not be fully able to step out into the light till Thursday, it feels awesome seeing the little bit glimmer of HOPE, Happiness and Enjoyment...

Ok, I know that I am over-exaggerating but seriously, the past few weeks [21st Apr onwards] have been one hack of a roller coaster ride= Endless calls: Calls that serve as an alarm clock at 6am, Calls that still come though its 11.30pm at night, and the numerous calls throughout the day which kept coming one after another. I have never feared technology as much as I feared the Phone these past few days.... Moreover, the tension of vehicles=Vehicles which are not there, People who are not there, Vehicle which can't wait anymore, People who come out late and the whole list is endless.....

It was HELL. Really, totally one hack of a Hell ride. Though I learnt much from this whole period, there was still the downside of this which led to me being more forgetful, having to handle more than I can accomodate on my plate and the tears, on the days whereby it got too much, they would just come and linger around in my eyes before I had to blink them away, before they got a chance to fall....

Truly, this whole period was one hack of a ride, full with its ups[the stories and little jokes I got to hear from them] and downs [which there was a lot] and after it all, its finally gonna end......Am just so damn excited...

Btw, on a side note:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DADDY!
[First time he isn't here with us on his Birthday =( ]

Travel

2011-05-09T14:02:00.002+08:00

This is one industry whereby there is fun, which comes along with depression or more like stress. Though it is a known fact that every job comes with a downside as well.... I just feel that the downside for this industry is a bit too heavy......

It's a 24/7 industry. Literally. You get calls and orders for any time of the day and everyday.... It really gets tiring at times [this is just my viewpoint]..... Moreover, the bad thing is that majority of the times, we are the middleman and being that, is a BAD BAD thing... You receive calls on your right, and before you hang up, your left is already dialing up another number... Guests call you for vehicles,You check the location of the vehicle, you get calls for missing guests and it's a never ending cycle....

The worse thing is that we are the ones who always have to bear the brunt... Just because we are in direct contact with guests on one side and agents on the other.....

LAST MINUTE=oh this is one word an hating so much... There are lotsa last minute jobs. I still cant forget how horridly I was awoke yesterday, getting a call from the agent to tell me that the guests are already on the Bus from Malaysia to Singapore. The next thing I knew, my Sunday vanished with me making all last minute arrangements for the group, from Vehicle to Guide to Meal bookings....

On the other side, there are lotsa people entering this industry and despite all the grumbling above, I can totally relate to the interest of joining this industry. You meet lotsa different type of guests and despite the nasty ones, there are the nice ones, you would talk sweetly to you, patiently wait for the vehicles without making a big hoo-haa and at the end of their trip, give you a call to say Thank You before departing = these people are the reason that there is a smile on our faces at the end of the day.

Other than that, it is the nonstop endless stories that we get to share with others at the end of the day. I remember my Dad telling us his stories and truthfully, before getting into this line, I didn't really had much interest in them. However, after I started working in this line, the interest in listening to his stories grew and its fun to hear cause we get to listen and learn from the experience of tourists in our home country, things to learn on how to behave when we step into the shoes of a tourist in the future... I think the most interesting story I hear and feel is spooky and scary at the same time is the story of a newly wed couple who went onboard a Cruise and they didn't return... The vehicle waited 3 hours but they didn't show up at the Cruise Centre. We called the hotel numerous times and the guests had not checked-in even till 11pm that night... They didn't even show up for their Departure back home..... No idea as to what happened to the Couple.

Ok, it feels damn nice to have let out all the above thoughts from my system... Feel so free right now.. and Damn the weather .... I just bathed and within 30 minutes, am feeling so icky and sticky......

Updates

2011-05-05T12:32:00.003+08:00

For the past few weeks, I was too engaged in writing out stories rather than writing out my thoughts... and moreover, I was figuring a way to revamp my blog and was going too crazy experimenting around that by the end of the day, I was left too frustrated to even write down anything.

Finally, today I am able to solve everything out. I moved my storied to LJ [Here] , so as to separate my hobby and my thoughts....

With Dad being away, I can feel that being in his shoes is TOO MUCH OF A RESPONSIBILITY. As for me, I am at home and handling the calls but he, he would be driving on the roads and getting all the calls along with personal calls in between.... I just don't get how he is able to handle it out...

The good point of this came that, I have managed to come up with a way so as to make his along with my life, a little simpler and that would leave him a little free...

But for the time being, the CALLS.... OH THE CALLS..... I feel like either banging my head or throwing away the calls... Now I totally understand when Reka said that She is not a phone person, because I am not one too and in the end, I cant let go the calls because the calls are business and that is what we cant let go.....

Oh .... I am just awaiting for 11th May.... Please come by Fast!!!!!

Love tis Song

2011-04-11T13:06:00.001+08:00

I totally love this song= it's lyrics are damn damn touching.

Thoughts

2011-04-07T12:30:00.003+08:00

There are numerous thoughts running through my mind. Seriously, numerous things are running through but when it comes to writing them down here, I am unable to do so.... I don't even know where to start from... I badly need someone to just listen to me rant out.... However, though Jagiya had listened to me and it felt nice talking out to her, I am unable to get these feelings out... I think that the best way is to talk to them but I know that in the end, with the way things are going for them, I don't think that there would be any point.....

It's depressing to think that way but I know that there is no point. Even if I were to talk it out with them, in the end, no outcome will come out of it. -_- There's just this heavy feeling....

Moreover, to top that up, I have heard nothing about my application and I am getting news of them going for interview for the same thing. In this way, half of me is gearing up for rejection and that feeling itself is painful. I am just feeling scared once again... I don't get why every time I give my best shot, I get back nothing in return. Why can't my own Life move the way I want it to head towards.... Why do all my efforts result to zilch? It's just exasperating, really very exasperating....

At times, it just feels that my own life isn't even my own in a way. This itself feels tiresome, I can't seem to steer the car in the direction I want it to head in, instead, being on Auto, it is totally being controlled by someone else.....

The only good thing out of all these is that I have started writing stories after a long time and I am happy that I restarted that habit because, that is one way for me to live out my thoughts...... I just wonder if it wasn't for that, what would happen......

2011-04-02T21:05:00.001+08:00

For my Jagiya =D

Children

2011-04-01T22:17:00.008+08:00

CHILDREN

Out of the weirdest things to talk out, Me and Vand were busy talking about CHILDREN. Seriously, it was so weird for the two of us to be talking about this topic when the whole thing seems to be something of the distant future.

However, in one way, its nice to voice out as well the thoughts that we keep in us from watching the kids of the current generation.

Haha, it was funny how both of us had the same thought for one point:

=> We both want our kids to go and learn DANCING [Classical / Ballet].

As for the others, it is more of my thoughts,

1)Learn a musical instrument... I find myself funny when I told her how I want them to choose their instruments .... The method=I would lay out in front of them, cards with pictures and let the choose -_-'''

2)This point is for is they want, to learn Martials Arts... I find that this is another sport like Dance which totally flexes your body. Of course, the point that I am obsessed with this because of all the shows I have seen of Sungmin [of Super Junior] performing.

3)Thirdly, that is about Education. Haha, the most important education was what was talked about at last..... However, for this is that, we would not want the kids to be running around for enrichment classes... Hmm I think one point that I have learnt from conducting the enrichment classes at various CCs is that, what I teach them at the classes, are fun things which the kids should be learning with their family........

Names of Kids=We even talked about that ^.^
VAND: I can only remember her saying that she wants the Name 'DEV' for the guy.
As for ME: I could only think of 'TRISHA' for the girl.... It could be partially due to the reason that I am missing Trisha badly......

Ok, I really think its enough already... Enough of talking about this subjects.... Ok, enough... I think I can now ignore about this topic for a while.

Pic Credit : www.moboleez.com/index.php?pageid=24/

Stories

2011-03-30T17:10:00.003+08:00

I don't know if it is because of the reason that I have been reading too many stories or if its been too long since I last wrote but currently, I feel like writing the stories I used to all over again...
Sadly for me, as much as I love writing the stories, which I used to previously, when I read them now, I would always be thinking =" What was wrong with me, what was I thinking to be writing like this....." => Because seriously, all of them are one hack of the sad sad romantic kinda plots... Even now the One I am thinking, the starting itself is filled with tears....

But the cool thing about the stories I am reading now is that they are FANFICS, which is stories written by Fans with their Stars being their characters. The cool thing about this is that the need for us to imagine the characters is discarded and that in its way is cool.....

I remember reading the very first Harry Potter book, and I was never able to fully imagine the characters and their looks. It was such a grateful thing that the Movie was made cos then, it made the job of reading the other stories so much more fun and cool....

But more than anything, nothing beats reading Stories because they totally let you go full and out with your imagination =D

Maybe, I would get down to writing it soon because though it is a saddening starting, it is meaningful because there is the whole aspect of Friendship there which totally means alot =D

CitizenShip = DONE

2011-03-29T17:18:00.001+08:00

Vand and I have FINALLY, FINALLY accomplished our whole 'CITIZENSHIP' thing after a whole period of almost 4months.... Not that we have been continuously running for 4months but it still took us this much period before we got the whole thing done.

I still remember the disappointment we faced on the first day we met to do it....

MEMORY LANE:

1st Trip = We went to the ICA and took the queue number and all and later, we are told that we need the renunciation letter. We tot of heading to HCI but that closes so much earlier than ICA [it closes @ 1130hrs-GOODNESS]. Hence, we went to Bendemeer where we slacked and whacked.....

2nd Trip = We went to HCI with the hopes that we brought enough things with us.... At that place, after ages of waiting without queue number, we are told that We need to fill up 3 forms, have 3 photos and we would need SGD $185 only, Cash only, no NETS. Since we aren't so rich to be caring so much, we had to leave and that was another disappointing day......

3rd Trip = We went to HCI with the Cash and everything, so for me, the submission was done. However, VAND baby forgot to bring her ICA letter.... However, mine was submitted. So after that, went to repair my phone, we slacked, whacked and later, we got involved in this donation scheme by this guy called Jeremy. I still rmb, we were happily exiting and he wanted us to write notes for the EARTH and later, made us seat and talked until we felt that we should really get into the Donation Scheme. Happily, we are accepted and we are still involved =D

4th Trip = Vand had to go down one day and submit her form. On this day, we both met up ahead to whack on our cravings. We meet up @ Novena, happily whacked, Vand became Santa Claus for her Friend and Sis and I was for myself =P

The Glorious Food which we whacked at SEOUL YUMMY, @ Novena.

After that, we both went to collect our forms from HCI, and then we cabbed down to ICA, being happy that everything would be done and all.... When we reach there, They were already close for the day, though it wasn't even 1645hrs..... Though disappointed, we went to indulge in more Gifts shopping [VAND Still being Santa Clause for her Friends and her Sis and me being for myself].

My Purchases for the Day

After shopping, feeling tired, we went to whack on a gorgeous delicacy = ICE CREAM. It was heavenly and sinful at the same time, but it was totally indulging.....

This flavour was just AWESOME [Cheesecake Flavour]

Though disappointed with not being able to accomplish the whole thing, we were happy nonetheless at having pigged ourselves the whole day=

5th Trip = We went again on MONDAY, and thankfully, we got EVERYTHING DONE! Oh the feeling of Happiness of coming out of that Office and knowing that am now a full-fledged Singapore Citizen, was just totally mindblowing!

In between, we even managed to meet up with Mita after a Long time. Of all places, we met at the Airport cos that was the most convenient for us at that time.....

This deco was totally awesome... If am not wrong, it depicted 600-700 flights which pass through Singapore Changi Airport DAILY.

Gifts from VAND baby, who so nicely managed to get 2 HEART Shaped pebbles for us =D

WOW, with that, the whole Issue is done and accomplished. =D

Friends

2011-03-21T13:01:00.003+08:00

There is this current moment which is just leading me to wonder what I should be doing and its just leaving me feeling helpless. Though the two of us are talking it out and deciding to talk it out, it still remains a fear to do so.... Maybe because of the distant feeling which we are feeling off her......

Nonetheless, though it is still an issue to tackle, it remains scary to do so... After all that I know and see, I understand that matters of the heart are difficult but in her case, she had a chance to move out due to family but still choosing to remain in it, though she is confused, I feel that I cant support her for this and this decision is just screwing up with my feelings=Should I be supporting and encouraging her or should I just oppose and go against her decision, which I am scared of it leading to the distance between us increasing.......

I guess the only thing to do is wait and let time do its job?

Waiting just makes the whole thing a whole lot worse...............

[CR: http://orkutluv.com/images/Friends%20%28346%29.jpg ]

HAPPY HOLI =D

2011-03-20T12:08:00.002+08:00

CR: www.coolfreeimages.net/holi.ph

Vand + Moi= IMAGINATION Galore

2011-03-19T13:00:00.005+08:00

It was such a fun time chatting with Vand after such a long time. It felt so cool that we were just slacking around and chatting.... The whole thing started with the Wild CRAVINGs that we always have whenever we chat online.... It proceeded onto the topic of "If only I had a Car" and how cool me having a car would rock....how it would be so fun that we could just drive over and meet up for meals/desserts and such and more... Whenever we talk about Food, our cravings would wildly vary from something to something else, it started with desserts, went on to Yummy yummy delicious hot steaming Korean food and finally, it ended up with us looking for dessert place to go for our next meeting =D

The more interesting topic came about when we started talking about the Bean Bags.... Seriously speaking, the 3 of us are one of a kind. It was really funny the way we imagined ourselves slacking away in the bean bags and how either of us weren't be willing to get up to do anything=that is something that I am sure if put into the real life, would definitely happen.....

However, since it was only the two of us, we decided to look for our Michin Yeoja, who is always going MIA. Though her scope of work is understandable, but still, her gg MIA is kinda painful and till now, no reply..........

Humans

2011-03-17T11:59:00.004+08:00

Coming across the below picture made me realize that an Iceberg is something to which we can relate many theories to. Its used to teach about attitude and more. However, the below picture is totally an ideal about a Person as a Whole.

To me, the below picture is broken as per follows:Everyone has ego in themselves which is hidden within them, not shown to others, based on that, they have created an identity for themselves. However, what is utmost noted by others is their "superego"-in a manner, their outlook. We always judge a person by their first impression, from their looks and that is that creates everyone as a whole.

Everytime I hear someone say,"how can you not know that She/He is like that?", it makes me wonder if there is ever a way to know someone as a whole.

Do I myself even know myself Fully??

Thinking back, I realize that throughout my life, there are moments which have exposed me to myself, parts of me which I did not know I have. Thinking back to Secondary school, I think that was the moment whereby I was at my lowest. Recalling back all that I did, it was a time whereby I was very weak. There are still scars that remind of those moments. However, all in all, I am happy that I wasn't weak enough to succumb to my thinking. It was also at this point whereby I saw a tad bit into myself of Possessiveness and Jealousy with the whole episode with Amrita.
In Poly, it was a time of Pure Jealousy..... I know that I am a easily jealous and possessive [to a limit] person, but all that I did during the whole period then, scared even me. I guess the whole period scared me so much until I found myself wanting to be alone, being ashamed of myself for even thinking that way but all in all, it was a time I totally recognized myself. I wont say that I am ashamed of myself of that period anymore, because that is me, that is also something that makes me as a person on a whole. Moreover, I did what I did then because I did not know how to express myself = totally hilarious now thinking about it...... Its funny how some instances become hilarious memories later on in LIFE =D

This also brings me to think that I have had some sorta negative experience at least once with all of the Ladies in my life, I guess that is what makes the whole Relationship more memorable.

Image CR=http://library.thinkquest.org/C004361/theoryfreud.html

Unpredictable

2011-03-14T15:29:00.006+08:00

With the Japan Quake+Tsunami, it just reinforces the unpredictability of LIFE. Its totally scary and devastating, however, the glimmer of light in this dark situation is that it brings people together, as everyone comes together to pray for those affected as well as Countries send down their rescue teams to assist the affected nation.

As for the rest of us, what we can do is to PRAY.

No matter to Whom,
Pray for those in need of a glimmering light in times of darkness.
Pray for those stranded to be able to find the path back home.
Pray for those facing uncertainty to be blessed with assurance.
Pray for them to find strength in this time of need.

You fall down, Only to be given the CHANCE to Get Up Again, Move Forward and Do Better to Prove Your Worth to Yourself along with Others.

BEAN BAGs-Reminder to Me

2011-03-11T12:08:00.004+08:00

This is something I have always wanted as far as I could remember....
The desire grows stronger when I come across images with bean bags and I would really want to go online to search for where to buy from. However, later I would just cleanly forget about it.

Today, early in the morning I came across the image and saw where to buy from but in the end, the pricing just killed me.

I guess its gonna be a long time of saving before I can get one. But when I do, its so gonna be worth it =D
I realised that I love to save to buy something.
1st thing, it takes me a long time to save, so the item becomes meaningful.
2ndly, in the duration of saving, I can see for myself if I really want that item or not. Usually, I would want it but if I spent that money elsewhere, the item and me aren't meant to be :P
3rdly, I would have a wonderful memory associated with the item, which would basically include me thinking non-stop abt the item, saving to the max and in the end, going and withdrawing the money and buying it with a huge, stupid, non-stop grin on my face =D

The above totally applied for two of my babies = SONY MP3 & CANON CAMERA ;D
Though for the 1st one, I was in a mad rage to get it [I still cant believe my behaviour over getting that item-Seriously, I was MICHIN.... totally. I guess I have an addiction to my mp3 baby. I totally can't live without it! Thankfully to MYNAH-Now I have a backup incase, it dies when in transit =D
My mood over the days when my previous MP3 had given up on me was so bad that I was angry 24/7 and in the end, the anger was showered upon my bro and my cuz bro, who so sweetly went over and bought me the mp3, which I got without having to save but it still left a burn in the wallet ;l ].
However, more than anything, I am happy that I listened to my mom and patiently saved for the second baby. It gave me time to think if I really wanted it or not.... and in the end, I did want it and I got it..... Though the story involving the Camera and my dad is still funny, and it involves Mynah even till today :P

I guess this is one aspect of myself that I have grown to love :D
I realise that over time, I have stopped becoming someone who buys things on impulse ;) Instead, I am giving myself sometime to think over whether am I really into the thing or is it a just one-shot impulse thing.

Previously, I wanted to learn knitting and was really into it. However, the impulse died. I guess having someone with the same interest as you some-sort of inspires you to move ahead. More than anything, knitting is still something that I wanna learn and really hope to be able to do so one day :D
So all in all, Knitting as well as learning Korean and Sign Language are the 3 things I wanted and still want to do later in LIFE :)

So for the time that I am gonna be saving like an idiot, I am gonna share the links which would also serve as a form of reminder for me :l

Moreover, there are 2 links because I am unable to decide between the types @_@
Shop 1
Shop 2

This is another sweet link I came across. Though no one is in need of such items, no harm being prepared for the future =P
BABY SHOP

Thoughts

2011-03-10T17:42:00.013+08:00

SURPRISES!

As much as they are fun and totally wonderful to receive, they are a heck of tremendously tiring part of planning for the planner..... This is being said with reference to planning for Birthday surprises.
[I had been meaning to blog abt this on V Baby's birthday last year. However, procrastination took over me and just left me and that is why I am now writing this damn Overdue post after almost a few months short of a year.... GOODNESS ME~]

Me and Mita had behaved totally crazily and planned crazily for that Loving day only to be to told by Vand that she expected, which in a way can't be blamed. However, the hilarious thing was that while we were at the Restaurant, DOME@DEMPSEY HILL, there had been 2 blackout and both the times, the 3 of us were only praying one thing="Please, please, please, please. I hope that the employees don't come out with the cake right now.", and thankfully for us, it was a real blackout both the times. Though it would have been dramatic, I think the 3 of us would have died of embarrassment. However, the extent of our preparation was so drastic until Mita had to go there ahead of us, find a place to hide [behind cars=the poor thing] and all in all, I would say it was a success though Vand expected it.......

Nonetheless, even if I were to complain nonstop about how it is taxing, tiring and irritating.... I am sure everyone would agree about the feeling of the receiver. Being the one who is receiving the surprise, especially @ a very non-expected time definitely brings about a glow in our heart and face and bring a HUGE smile on our faces. In the end, whether a successful or unsuccessful surprise, they definitely remain as MEMORIES that are always there in us.

Examples:
The 18th B'Day I celebrated in Poly where a bunch of friends pretended to be busy but surprised me in the end at the Meeting place.For my 19th B'Day, My 2 babies collaborating with my brother to make me go out of the house as they came over to my house. Till day, Vand would still say that I spoiled the surprise by opening the door~However, they were in my room, of course I would open na: But it was one hack of a surprise:D
Shitz, for my 20th, The only thing I remember is that My dear Ones were away... Nisa @ Turkey, Mita @ India.... OK Talking abt India, I recalled it= The FOUR SEASONS from INDIA. Goodness, that was a total embarassment! Haha... Gosh
21st was sweet with a tinge of sourness which still lingers..... Celebrated a small one @ Home with Sonu coming over ;D However, the celebration my Mom wanted to hold, got pushed and pushed until it was totally eliminated, I find it funny that she still mentions it. My 2 Babies made it a totally memorable 21st~with Us Celebrating @ the streets which Have to say was totally remarkable....

SUPRISES totally are one part of life which are totally fantastically mind-blowing =D
However, more than anything, The below ladies are one who fill colours in my LIFE:

Thank You Babes for all that you have done for me. I know I am the type of person who is shy and unable to express out my thankfulness but more than anything, I love you and am thankful for having you in my Life. The completion of my Life is because of all of you below =D

~Saranghae AGI (s)~

I Love it how I began writing about surprises and ended up writing about my dear girls who have come into my life as a form of surprise showered upon me by GOD, to whom I am thankful for, for their entrance in my LIFE =D
More than anything, I am thankful to these ladies for coming into my Life and Staying despite all the Mood swings and shitz I have done and all.

~THANK YOU~

CONFUSED

2011-03-10T17:04:00.003+08:00

No matter how often I post about this, I cant get rid of this Confusion. All in all, I am so damn totally confused more than I was before, If I were standing @ a crossroad earlier, now I have so damn totally lost sight of even the crossroads...... Can it get worse than this?!?

I think am gonna try to word out my thoughts....

At times,it feels as if everything is just going so totally against U,@ these moments, the only way to pull through is to close your heart n Pray :D

It hurts the most when the 1s closest to you just move on and U get left behind with nothing but the images of their back, which also diminishes from sight gradually....

The pain is one that stays and in the end, scars U.

However, what we don't realize at this point is that there are hands at our backs which are pushing us to hold us up.

This is what we are unappreciative of= We look ahead but aren't grateful for our friends who stay behind us and hold is in support to prevent us from falling and having to feel more pain. These pair of hands push us up instilling in us hopes, motivation and determination to get back up.

To these pairs of hands who have supported and are supporting me, I THANK YOU with all My Heart!

LOVE YOU AGI(s) =D <3

2011-03-09T21:37:00.000+08:00

LIFE

2011-02-28T18:15:00.002+08:00

The word Life can be broken down as per below:

Live it up to the max because
In an instant, unexpected things can happen which we do not know about as
Fog surrounds the future which only clears when its expected to and all in all,
Everything would come to an END one day.

Wow I cant believe that I totally described my state of mind with the above phrase :D

Seriously, LIFE is so damn totally SCARY to me at this moment. It feels as if I am standing at this crossroad and I am unable to see the roads in front of me at all.....Moreover, out of fear, I am not risking taking any steps from where I am standing!!! AAARRGGHHH~this is really damn scary right now~....

I know that I have been constantly grumbling to my friends all that I have wrote above.... But truthfully, I DUNNO WAD TO DO!

Moreover, above all this confusion lies another headache.

Can someone please just tell me what is listed in the near future for me..... I AM BLUR!!

Fogged up....

2011-02-22T13:41:00.003+08:00

The meaning of the title is basically that my mind is in a FOGGY State... Frankly speaking, I have no clue as to what the future has in store for me .... and this thing is making me AAARRRGGGHHHH.......

I am blurred out over this........

What to Do........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

2011-02-09T20:06:00.001+08:00

HAPPY
BIRTHDAY
MB [MONU BHAIYA]!

We Are Family

2011-02-06T22:12:00.008+08:00

This movie was a damn bad TAERJERKER.... Gosh. I seriously had no idea that I was that weak to start tearing up so badly over a film.

I totally started tearing only 30mins into the movie... Unfortunately I wasnt able to stay n finish it as much as I wanted to... But still, the movie was AWESOME + HEARTBREAKING.

There were the below few awesome factors about it:
1= Having Arjun Rampal as a Husband, or rather Ex-Husband-As Shreya said, is just such a cool thing to imagine and drool... M sure even if no 1, Vand wud agree with me over this.....
2=Kajols, Maya, Character was just heartbreaking and the whole time, one could feel the pain and sadness all through her portrayal.
3=The kids acting was totally awesome... One could understand the reason for the eldest rebellion, the only guy was so cute, esp their Father Son moments and the youngest one is totally adorable.
4=The whole time whereby Maya and Shreya are over the kids and naturally, there is competition but the parts whereby the kids are more into Shreya and Maya is left with a sad face, just made me feel to go in and give her a hug.... Arrgghhh The whole thing is sweet n painful at the same time.

Have to say that after so long did I watch such a painful movie...........

The below song just is totally the cherry on the cake! Totally beautiful and painful....

It just sums the whole movie and makes you cry non-stop!

Frankly, I hated Shreya.... Maybe the reason was that I dont know the reason for Aman and Mayas separation... but in this clip, all that she does is so damn sweet. With the whole pictures and the kids and the hubby.... was so sweet.... But the sequence leading to this moment was the best, the youngest kid goes up and tells her mom that she wud grant her 3 wishes....

The whole element of motherhood,how Maya single-handedly handles her 3 kids after being separated, being a mother along with a careerwoman-how Shreya has to struggle to learn abt motherhood while having to juggle her career which is depicted by her having allnighters and making mistakes at work, having the need to be dependent in sad times-how Maya needed Aman when she finds out her illness-however, I feel that this point is because of her love for her kids, she needs him because she doesnt want her kids to be left alone....... I just feel that this movie portrays these elements of WOMAN so beautifully...

K-POP Addiction

2011-01-24T15:15:00.003+08:00

All thanks to my dearest Baby-VANDANA, I am totally addicted to Korean Songs now. I am totally addicted.

Gosh I seriously cant accept this fact as of now......

I still remember that early / mid last year, we had gone to Hougang to met up with our dear Pagal and we went NTUC for shopping. There, our dear Baby had wanted to get the 'TEEN" magazine because it featured the Korean Group, 'SHINee' that she liked. She was so cute the way she was talking about the group as we were seated at Hougang Interchange. Frankly speaking, though she showed their photos, the 5 guys all looked the same to me, at that time, and now, I cant believe that I myself am totally into the songs of the group...... The way the addiction started-I was listening to 96.3FM and after the Hindi slot finished, the Korean slot started with one of the groups songs, which I got addicted to [LUCIFER]. At a later date, when I wanted to Listen to Baby's iPod out of curiosity, she had that Song and with that, the whole ADDICTION story started......

But seriously, I am totally going NUTs for the GROUP, they are all so young [89,90,91&93] but they are so GOOOD! The youngest [Magnae TAEMIN] is so AWESOME at DANCING-its just totally spell bounding, the Oldest [Leader ONEW] is a Funny Machine, always doing things that make people Laugh=Falling, Tripping, Slipping......, The Lead Singer [Bling Bling JONG HYUN] has a totally POWERFUL voice and the two 91er's....... are FANTASTIC in their respective FASHION [Almighty KEY] + COMPETITIVE [Flaming C. MINHO] sense........

FUNNY...... The way LIFE Works.....

Thanks VANDANA!

2010

2011-01-01T00:00:00.000+08:00

Ok though I had said that I would be updating more often, my laziness got in the way and I did not update at all...... Haiz.

Nonetheless, as a way of ending off 2010, I posted some pictures below, basically of my 21st Bday celebration.... Though it used to be a big Wow Wow thing, I didnt really feel anything that special upon turning '21'.

And after my bday, I finally for the chance to rent a CAR..... I finally drove, 1 Year after attaining my License. However, It was AUTO, and it was such a breeze to drive though..... and now I am scared of driving AUTO.
And for the ending, my two babies celebrated my Bday with me, in Orchard.... I cant believe we were just sitting outside Takashimaya and cutting Cake... It was definitely one of an unforgettable experience.... I also got to meet with my Biatch after a terribly Long Time......

I just LOVE my two babies to the max.... Seriously Love them to the Max..... There is always such a thankful feeling I feel whenever I get their morning messages.....
With that, 2010 chapter is closed.... Seriously cant believe that the years always pass by so fast......
2010 was truly a 1-of-a-Kind year...... the reason I say this-It has totally left me uncertain of my future.... I cant imagine/see what I am doing in the future anymore. Right now, I just feel and pray that 2011 would clear up the misty/foggy path of the future for me......

Happy Diwali

2010-11-05T00:14:00.000+08:00

Heartiest Diwali wishes to one and all!!!! May the glow of the diyas bring with themselves happines, peace and prosperity to you and your family! ENJOY!

Happy Diwali =D

Upcoming Outings

2010-10-25T19:54:00.002+08:00

Thanks to the last teacher we had, I realised that there are a lot of outings as per below to go on:

Now till 7th Nov= ILights @ Marina Bay Area
5th Nov= Istana Open House
7th Nov= Guard Changing Ceremony @ Istana
11th Nov= WWII Memorial Service
20th Nov= Sunidhi Chauhan Memorial Service

Any interested parties for the above outings, please sms me and we can make plans!!

Tots till Date

2010-10-18T14:30:00.002+08:00

I know that I have been totally MIA for very long.... I dont know if it is laziness or what but despite wanting to, I cant bring myself to sign in and blog......

Hmmm: recently, Life has been rather interesting.
1) Ever since I have been in this industry, my interaction with him has totally increased. As compared to previously, we have been talking to each other so often and he constantly narrates his experience stories. This set me thinking that if I werent in this line, who would he be talking all those stories to???

2) I have been told really interesting words by ppl:
-You look so cute that I want to Eat You ;)
The other was told by my teacher which is really sweet but I feel so shy -_-

Life is totally heading towards an unknown direction....

Construction in Progress....

2010-08-23T16:40:00.004+08:00

I cant believe that I have ignored my blog for so many months. Goodness-so shameful :(
Nonetheless, Hopefully I would get back the habit of updating my blog weekly or occassinally. For the time being, I leave you with this family photo :D

My life.....

2010-05-19T23:40:00.002+08:00

These few days, the only thing running through my mind is-Is my life even mine or am I just a puppet that does what it is told to....???

1 moment-I am told to go stop doing RT and go for this interview and now, I am being told to stop this job and go to the next company>WTH is up with this?!?

My say and opinion to seem to matter even the bit..... What shit direction is my life headed in???

Relationships

2010-04-18T20:09:00.003+08:00

I feel betrayed
Broken and bruised
A string that’s been frayed
Bended and abused

I feel all alone
Small and empty
No light being shone
Into the caverns of pity

When everything started
To seem right
The angel of happiness darted
Out of sight

And left me here
All alone in the dark
NO one of the dear
Just death: damp and stark

I want to just cry
But is it really worth it?
I might ask you why?
But I’m not gonna cry over this shit

And being alone in a cave full of depression
Makes you realize.
That life goes to show you
Trust someone, Love someone
Just know that they’re gonna hurt you too.
By Jennifer Whitton

The above poem totally describes the feeling being felt by me at this current moment. Seriously, it summaries the whole feeling that I am feeling right now. However, one thing is for sure is that I know that this whole thing is done with and completely over. Its OVER!

I know I have written or rather said all those shit before abt not wanting to care and such, but there was always a small tiny hope of things becoming better but now, it is completely being finished and all emotional attachments being cut, torn and thrown away.

THE ONES WHO ARE RELATED TO U, TURN OUT TO BE THE ONES WITH WHOM U R NOT MEANT TO BE IN RELATIONSHIP WITH. THE ONES WHO ARE TOTALLY NOT BLOOD RELATED WITH U, TURN OUT TO BE THE ONES WHO SHOWER U WITH THE LOVE AND CARE THAT IS SUPPOSE TO BE SHOWN TO U BY RELATED ONES. IN THE END-"KITNE DOOR,KITNE PASS"->THIS SENTENCE SEEMS TO BE SO DAMN TRUE......

Now, I find myself void of all the feelings, attachments that I had-be it for them or the niece and nephews.......Totally void of all sort of feelings...............

At this moment, I am totally missing my dearest niece , whom GOD graciously brought to me at a very crucial moment. I am missing TRISHA very badly.... Goodness-She came and went away like an ANGEL, who for a brief and short moment gave me lots of happiness that I deserve as a MAUSI. I can't wait to see that little angel again..... Hopefully its gonna be soon.......

FT Job

2010-04-07T22:07:00.002+08:00

WOW-My dad got me a FT job. Frankly speaking, upon hearing this news upon just entering the house, my heart just hit the bottom. I can still remember the feeling I was feeling throughout the whole time from when I heard the news and till I reached the place for the interview. I guess it was just the disinterest that I had for the job being offered as I am more or less interested in Teaching jobs .... My poor poor Vandana baby patiently listened to my non-stop irritating whining and the cute cute things she said to give me moral support was so cute and very much appreciated. On the other hand, what Mynah said also made sense and seriously-I was in total turmoil.

However, I gave it a try and got the job and I guess its just interesting to try a new thing apart from what am always doing. However, I guess the happiest thing about this is that now I would be able to meet all my dearest friends for DINNER SESSION!!!! I am damn excited about this fact and also about starting a new job. All in all, as I was talking out things with her, I just had a terribly strong and positive feeling when I told her that I have a feeling I am gonna totally end up working for my Daddy.

In a way, he is someone I totally am starting to see in a new light as I am now able to see that though he does things at the 11th hour, he still does go for what he wants and ensures that in one way or another, he achieves it. I just have prayers and hopes that I seriously and happily can support him alongside happily with GOD showering his blessings on all the conquest that we set out to tackle.

I am so so so so so so anxious and curious to know what Life has in store for me......

Meeting Up

2010-04-02T22:02:00.000+08:00

Goodness...lately I realised that it is some sort of difficult to meet up frens and loved ones [I dont think I have anyone under tis category]. I realised that its really kind of hard to get everyone to meet at one spot as there is surely something that would come up......... Nonetheless, the feeling that one feels after meeting a dear fren after a long long time is juz damn wonderous-the tight and long hug that u give each other and the feeling u feel.....

Nonetheless, there is still a need to maintain contact in one way or another be it just a little message saying Morning-the feeling of just keeping in touch is better than not being in touch and not knowing what is happening with them-it really hurts to remember that u do not know what is happening with them.....

Latest Baby

2010-03-31T21:58:00.000+08:00

THIS IS MY LATEST BABY!!! WOOHOOO! I TOTALY LOVED THE FEELING WHEN I GAVE THE CASH AND RECEIVED THIS NEW TOY OF MINE!!!

Emptyness

2010-03-23T12:29:00.000+08:00

Ok Finally I realise the reason for all the moodiness I have been feeling recently and all-The house is too empty....From the three bros-now Only Chotu is staying at home most of the time.....

GOODNESS-Frankly speaking, I had never imagined myself typing these words........THAT I AM MISSING MY BROTHERS.... but seriously the whole feeling is so damn different especially now that Sonu Bhaiya is "Happily" enjoying himself in India for the past 5 months or so and Anshu is hardly at home when He books out...

GOODNESS ME!!!

Children

2010-03-21T13:48:00.001+08:00

Kids nowadays-They are totally Angels but also PURE Devils at times=I am sure I have said these words more than a dozen time but yesterday, the interaction that I had with my students just left me speechless and the only thing I thought to myself was=If only I had a camera with me, I would snap this moment and showcase it->It was seriously a moment that left me with a different impression of those lil ones.

After the YT class yesterday, JX and Sanjay went off on their lil adventure before CT started. Within a few minutes, they were running back to the centre and asked me if there was anything that they could use to pick up rubbish. As I followed them back to the scene-it was a totally disgusting thing to see=RUBBISH galore.....they were everywhere, all over the place=apparently, it looked like some ppl had a by the sea party and had left the place filled with mementos of their presence-Plastics, Drink Cans, McDonalds wrappings all over the place.

As it was time for CT to start, JX and Sanjay had to abandon their project for the time being. During class, JX was totally busy thinking of ways to come up with machine that can help ensure that the whole of Singapore is clean and another machine that helps to sort out the rubbish into different categories to ease Recycling activity=>It was a totally brilliant sight to see.

After class, the two masters gathered up the rest of the students,Elysa, Shanna, Kira, Joey, and brought them to the area although it was raining! When I joined them, they were busy surveying the area to come up with a way whereby they can quickly clean the place up and sort them into respective groups. These kids were getting drenched in the rain just to think of ways to clean up the place. When I asked them to go inside and come back later as there was a lot of mess to clean up-Elysa said=Why cant these adults clean up aft themselves? How are we going to survive in a place like tis? I was juz left dumbstruck!

Seriously-the look of the place was very disturbing and yet, these 7 children ,Elysa`s lil sis had also join them, were willing to get wet in the rain and use their bare hands to clean up the place which had been left a mess by some irresponsible adults!?! At tat moment, these kids totally won my respect!

BTW-JX is oni a P2 student, Sanjay is an Autistic 10 yr old child, Elysas sis is P1, Elysa and Joey are P4 whereas Shanna and Kira are the oldest being in P5,11 yrs old. Comparing their age and attitude to the culprits=Apparently, the situation seems to tell that these kids despite being so young, are very much mature in their way of thinking!

Oohhhhh Siblings.....

2010-03-17T17:56:00.002+08:00

SIBLINGS!
Sometimes, they can just get onto ur nerves and climb all the way over your head!

As I was smsing my babe today, I realised that I am continuously complaining to her about my bros. Earlier on, it was the elder one and now it is about the younger one...... but seriously speaking, this younger one is getting way out of line.

For a person his age, he is really irritating......GOODNESS!

Reaching out

2010-03-08T13:15:00.003+08:00

This weekend which has juz passed has been a totally awful one. I found myself being in a situation whereby I wanna reach out and give them a hug but am unable to due to the locations.....

Disappointment is something tat can really hit one hard and is always damn painful when it happens to us. Frankly speaking, I was very excited to know abt A's results but when I juz randomly msged her n got tat response from her, I was juz speechless. In one way, what she has to go through is worse than me because for me is juz waiting but for her is waiting plus repeating the whole process again which is nerve-wrecking, stressful and all...... so its gonna be a much more emotionally draining journey for her........

When I saw those words from her, I really din noe wad to do or wad to say. Lack of experience or rather not knowin anything abt tis whole thing is one major factor which renders me totally helpless and useless when she is in need .... the only thing tat can be done is to listen but wad else can I do? I know tat I wanna help to make her betta but if she does feel happy to juz tell me abt it, I am really glad tat atleast I can juz listen to her....

With all these things happening to the ones I love, I am seriously hoping to hear some kind of good news today-Please V=tell me a good news!

WANTS or is it NEEDS?

2010-02-28T13:00:00.000+08:00

I find myself craving/demanding for these 3 things:-

This is the first thing tat I really need damn badly. Reason being->When opp for picture taking arise, I find myself calling for my bro to take the pics=his phone cam is betta so since now he is using a non-camera phone, its totally difficult getting a decent pic wif my phone. I oso wan a camera to be able to take pics of the henna designs tat I do on Mom so tat I can start building up my collections.

This is the second thing I need-a new bed wif mattress.....My mattress is a gone case thanks to my bed frame which has spoiled the whole shape of it and the result of all this is tat I now have a major backache which hurts everyday n I feel totally like shit n like an old lady.....

A bag! This is something I can never get tired of and something which my mom is always after my neck for. I am till date, craving for a bag which can totally accomodate all the nonsense stuffs tat I carry around and something tat I can juz pick up n leave without having to ponder if it suits the outfit. For now, I have three choices but from the 3, oni Crumpler seems to be the one left..... Should I?!????

With all said n listed down, I wonder to myself do I really need all these things as in REALLY NEED them????

Being Used

2010-02-21T22:51:00.002+08:00

When I was juz sitting n chattin away wif Mita, I realised something. When she smsed me today wif tat request- it again made me realise the same thing. I hate the idea of being used and yet, I found myself turning to her oni at these kind of needs... I felt so bad-I seriously felt like shit and was disgusted at my own actions...... I guess I din look at it this way but when I told her and apologised to her, I felt so relieved=Seriously, just opening up and taking totally cleans the air and all becomes well again.....

I have no idea why but wheneva am walking down alone or jus somewhere whereby am by myself, I keep thinking of my prev. birthday and I get a very heavy lonely feeling.... The feeling intensifies when I look @ the MNG bag I got from my babes, which is currently sitting away in a corner waiting for the day whereby my mom juz bursts n it wud disappear...... Previous birthday was one whereby it was really very quiet and I myself din even get the feeling tat it was my birthday..... I dont know why I keep thinking back to that moment just like how previously I was thinking abt the moment whereby mom n I came back from India..... Both these situations give a very depressing feeling of being alone, of not seeing something whereby u had expected to see......... I donno why

Feeling down

2010-02-15T22:49:00.001+08:00

Wheneva the topic comes up or whenever I see Indian family with babies in stroller.....I juz get into tat sad mode... Frankly speaking, its still a very sore wound that juz burns when the slightest thing brushes against it..... No matter how strong One pretends to be, the past is always there to come up and juz stab the person once again and weaken the resolve.....

SCREW TIS!

Moving On

2010-02-11T21:10:00.003+08:00

Frankly speaking, it came as a terrible shock. However, upon being there with her today and hearing her talk about it, I realised that in a way, it was more or a less of a better option than if that incident hadn't happened. He was there at home with his children, and went without pain. This reminded me of when Baba had passed on-his oso was a sudden and painless journey but for him, he wasn't with his family and nor had he shown any form of moving on......to think that the simple dinner I saw him having after coming back homo from outing was to be the last time I would see him-The feeling of hearing the news the next day in school was damn terrible. However, I am thankful to the aunt, who sat and told us how lucky he was to move on without any form of suffering......

I guess more or less, this is a better option though it does comes as a shock.

I am happy that three of them are strong and are continuing to move on while having a goal of fulfilling his dreams. I am pray and hope that GOD would shower them with blessings and guide them on this path..... May they be Strong and move on with strength.

Singapore Airshow

2010-02-07T02:08:00.002+08:00

Thanks to Starshea and Nisa, I got to go to the Airshow, make a new fren-Nasri and spend a totally blasting Saturday in the company of cool Friends!!!

We went to see the Airshow and it was very coool getting to see the planes close and directly in front of us but the aerial display show wasn't really that mindblowing fantastic as it was short and only a few fighter planes n helicopters... Yet, at the same time, seeing the stunts and everything, really have to salute the pilots for being so cool and capable of doing all the things....... The exhibition part oso was interesting and being indoor and air-conditioned, it was a huge and thankful relief after being baked like mad by the hot sun while watching the aerial display.....

I got to know abt the term "Doraemon Bag". Originally when I heard about it, I tot it was a bag with the Doraemon character on it, but when Nisa explained about it, I could do nothing but laugh at myself... Star is so cute with her Doraemon bag-all the things she had in it=Being totally prepared for the unexpected!

After that, we went off and whacked on food before going to T3 and trying out the Segway. Originally, I wasn't at all interested the least bit in gettin on that thing and trying out because I was damn afraid of falling flat on my face......Nonetheless, we went and while we were queueing and waiting, there were quite a few "accidents" which totally freaked me out. Frankly, I was totally getting the tot of running off after seeing the kids collide one aft another......

I did do it in the end and am now happpy that I did it because it was quite fun and crazy and totally hilarious..... Gettin on part was kinda scary but Star's laughter was really a very good distraction.... She was so cute as she kept going back and she was laughing so cutely....... All in all, it was fun "playing" wif the 3 of them!!

A very "interesting" phrase I heard in the movie U, Me Aur Hum :-
There are 2 rules to keeping your Wife happy=
No. 1) Always fulfil all promises made to your Wife.
No. 2) Don't make any promises to your Wife!

Anshu gg for NS

2010-02-05T01:28:00.001+08:00

Wow....Frankly speaking, the time is really passing by fast!!! Blink and its 2010, blink and its Feb already...... Well, just like that, the time for Anshu to go and train to serve his country arrived......As much as he had been preparing beforehand, the feeling really sunk in only when he started packing that=Oh Yea....He is gg off tom.......

This is a very suprising photo I must say so myself because being the type of person he is, this is considered to be very neat for his preparations for packing.....
I have no idea why but I just totally like/love this shot of him...... Haha His glasses ROCK dont they...... When we went to send him off, saw that everyone was wearing almost the same kind!!
Before setting off.....

And finally, off he sets.......

Truthfully speaking, as much as I was looking forward to him going off due to the conflicts were having frequently, I am not really enjoying it so much now that he has really went off...It just feels weird....I don't know if its because we haven't got used to it or what but the house really does seem very much lonelier now...its just weird......Oh well, luckily for him, He can come back next friday due to CNY!!!

Weird.....

2010-02-01T14:31:00.003+08:00

Ok, I have no idea why but for the past two days, I have been constantly remembering the moment whereby Mom and I returned to Singapore, ard August 2009....
I don't know why but I keep recalling, coming to the pick up area then picking up our bags then heading out and being in a dilemma while awaiting our family to come pick us up-We couldn't make a call becos we din have any local coins and also because the handphone battery was dead........ I seriously have no idea why I keep recalling this incident....

Am just hoping that this month goes well..... All I can see is the list of my wants as well as needs growing longer and longer without any form of income coming in..... I really need a bag now.... To think that the bag I fell in love with, broke!! That oso in front of the two sexies.... The worst thing now is that its so heart breaking to think of throwin it away but tats all I can do since it cant be fixed..... Shucks......

Mita's 21st

2010-01-28T23:45:00.007+08:00

Ok, tis is quite overdue but since I was waiting for the pictures, here is the post....

Can't believe that the event which Vandana and I were going crazy and all and whereby curses and even vulgarities were flying is already over...

On 23rd Jan, we celebrated our dearest Pagal MITA's 21st birthday at East Coast Park.....It was quite cool and everything but cant believe that it is over so fast....... We din even get to whack so much and there we were talking and all....haiz....

Love this pic of the balloon.....

Things weren't really as smooth flowing and easy gg as Vandana and I had tot....the trees whereby we had wanted to tie the strings to, were surrounded by colonies of ant ...we were like mad screaming, jumping as well as cursing as we hanged the banner up.....

The Birthday Girl......Tis is a really nice pic of her....

Her family:-Sis, BIL, Bro n Sis...

The Cuzzies Gang...

Cute Lil Sanjana...

Adorable Darling Ria along wif Sandhya....

This part was rather comical....when the bottle was brought to her, she was so excitedly gonna open it straightaway but had to put it on hold to cut the cake...... Later, when she was gonna open it, every1 was backing away imagining the worst case scenario I suppose but when she did pop the cork open, it flew to God knows where and there was no fizz or anything....

Love this Pic!!!!!

Me wif my Mynah who is totallly bones...... Seriously.....Love the background...

This is the Mynahs attempt to break herself apart .... she did actually lift me up !!! I totally love how tis pic turned out.....

Me wif my Sexyyyyyy ...... It looks as if the behind is on fire.......LOVE IT!!!

The 3 Craazyyyyy Ppplllll....

Can't believe that its all over....meeting up wif sexyyy, going shoppping, planning to do something yet ending up doing something else....Seriously, this was a great idea and I am so happy that Sexyy and me pulled the whole thing of for that Pagal and she enjoyed it.....

Haiz, it's over....What Next?!?

Friends love

2010-01-24T00:34:00.003+08:00

I realise that I really love, treasure and am grateful to the two of them....They both are truly Angels sent in disguises as themselves into my life...so that there are things worth looking forward to for me.....They are both totally tolerant of my nonsense and stupidity

Despite saying to stick together, she understood the me when I was away from her...... I realise that its with you that you and I both are able to do everything to the maximum because we are both the same in the case of the love we have towards the other two ...... I guess you truly are the person with whom I can go beyond boundaries created for myself...love you lots Darl!!!

Despite me not knowing what to do and all, she opened out her heart to me.....Thank you love for doing so....Frankly speaking, seeing you like tat made me look at you in admiration because you are a really strong person who is able to go on in situations whereby I feel that others are most likely to runaway in an attempt to avoid, or I might .... Be yourself love because thats why you are loved and thats whom we are used to having around in our life...... I just felt like hugging you the whole time .... If nothing much, I just hope to be there for you love like how you are always for me!!

Movie Trailer

2010-01-19T00:00:00.000+08:00

Haha this is so damn cute! Seriously this trailer is really whacky esp the end:-

Growing Up!

2010-01-18T22:51:00.004+08:00

There is a very very weird feeling in me right now...I don't really know what the feeling is but one thing is for sure, it's very DEPRESSING!!!

I find myself growing old....which seriously we are all... but being at home these few months has made me realise the whole process and I feel like there are so many things I wanna just take, twist and Change It!!

Yea there is a kind of bonding but there is also friction being felt so there are both the emotions of happiness and irritateness.......We both are similar in a lot of ways and yet, there are also vast differences such as:-We both are interested in trying new things but whereas I am the type to go online and find the recipe, She recalls the taste and does try-an-error...and it was actually delicious.....
The thing that we are back to back against each other for=HOUSEWORK!!! During this time, I have suprisingly come to LOVE doing Housework but the conflicting thing between both of us is abt getting the guys to do it. Whereas I want them to do a lil bit, at least nothing for the hse but atleast for themselves e.g making their own Milo. Though She oso expects them to be doing a bit but for that, she has to FORCE them, NAG at them and not make Milo from him before he even says it-I know I am being very whiny here but seeing their attitude towards her, they so do not deserve wad she does and all........

To add oil to the fire, going out of the house seems to spoil my mood even more!!
That day, on the way back home in the MRT, I had placed some plastics on the ground. Then when we were a station away, this lady[whose kid had been crying the whole way] gets up and takes the stroller with hr whining kid and heads towards the door. She had to pass by me, and when I realised that, I picked up the plastic bags. Just as I was doing so, she becomes so Impatient that she banged the stroller [the front wheels came up and down] and just tries to make her way through while running over my things!! - Fu*k=I know that you are irritated with your kid but why the hell are you showing your anger to others?? Even others are damn irritated with your whiny kid-She was crying the whole way and that woman couldn't even SHUT her Up!!

Then, another day, I went to Montip to get ear sticks...When I headed to the counter to make payment, the cashier started counting her cash...not wanting to interrupt [having to recount has an irritating sensation] I patiently waited. The damn woman, counted TWICE. I still waited patiently and then, she started counting again! Irritated, I juz said-EXCUSE ME, and I got ignored. Pissed, I literally screamed Excuse Me at her before I got her attention-WTF!!! This is SERVICE?!?

{While being on the topic of shopping, there are hardly people using their own bags even on Wednesdays, despite it being BYOB .... On the other hand, I went shopping with Mom to Tekka and I see an Eurasian lady, going around with four of her own bags, two being filled to the brim wif veg, one being passed to the vendor to put in her purchases and the final was flat and dangling from her shoulders....Comparing her to ourself, there is so much difference! I can't even force my mum to bring the bag whenever she goes shopping, instead I get teases from her and even the two bros whenever I bring it on my own....With tis kinda attitude-How can I even complain abt other not bringing I am unable to FORCE my own family with this habit!!!}

Seriously, everything is so damn irritating!!! The best feeling is only felt when I get off work on Sat and walk through the field filled with groups of family and friends flying kites.....For some reason, seeing the kites in the sky and seeing the group of people, there is a feeling of calmness and happiness along wif a pang of jealousy[well, shall not even bother to go on about it cos I would only be writing lots and lots more vulgarities!]

Seriously, it gets tiring at some point.......
Sometimes, the loneliness gets to the point whereby one starts questioning their reason of existence.
At other times, though being alone, seeing a kid smile at you, makes one willing to go on...to witness the day whereby that happiness is blessed upon them oso!
And yet, at the same time, witnessing death scenes in TV or however, really hits one hard.....

Life is full of certainties, happiness, sadness and lots of other feelings....Everyone goes through different phases of Life and experiences different kind of happiness and challenges awaiting them in life.....In the End, whatever is ahead of us is unknown to one and all therefore, the only thing that we can do is to continue walking into the unknown future and take on all the challenges, problems and all boulders to get to the finishing point of our lives.....

It's a different future that we had envisioned....but, it's Life's surprises that keep it interesting.
Learning how to make the most of the unexpected events make us STRONGER-Tsuda Masami

2010-01-14T22:26:00.002+08:00

The P got replaced by S ....

In the end, this is how life works. When there is a need for you, you become a thing that is tapped on at their disposal and when things turn over, you are cast to the side....left to dust/wither away....... Though it is a thing that should be accepted, why am I being reluctant/refusing to accept it??

I guess the whole concept has not sunk in yet..Nonetheless, you want things to be this way-then, I shall just wish you well. Period.

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
-What Hurts The Most, Rascal Flatts

Weird Steps Being Taken.....

2010-01-12T22:46:00.002+08:00

The only thing feels like a game being played around with all of us being the game pieces.......Each and every one is playing and coming up with tricks such tat others suffer downfalls....Wad a World.....Seriously speaking, there is no point in doing good nowadays cos even if you do it, situations are reversed in such a way tat you are the evil one ...... Screw this whole thing!
-Why must it be such that a place I think of as my second home becomes a place where she refers to me as GUEST?!?
-Why must it be such that despite wanting to help her, I become the one who runs here and there at her every beck and call??
-Why is it tat despite this being his maternal home, she cant bring my nephew here???

SCREW this whole thing and all....having craved so much of wanting to shower love and affection, the whole feeling disappears while anger and hatred creeps in bringing along with it indifference......

Tired

2010-01-10T23:00:00.003+08:00

Ah....it sucks to be falling sick...seriously-there is this stupid itchy sensation at the throats and all....Freak it all.....

Time is seriously moving very very fast right now...and it is really scary......

The position I am in right now is so EEWWWW...... Though in one way its fun and relaxing, there is tension over paisa.....Haiz-Money really makes the world go round...

I am in love with the job at the centre...the type of teaching used is so damn cool and interactive and the best part is that time always rushes by so fast...Seriously, it is interesting and the kids are so cute....

But nonetheless, I am still in love wif my adorable nephew...I so feel like running away with him every time I visit him...Haha...

I so wanna drive....I AM GONNA RENT and DRIVE-I dun care... haha, well-got person from one, now left wif the other....Fingers crossed.....

Videos Once Again

2010-01-10T22:08:00.000+08:00

Ok, watched a few movies and I have to say, unexpectedly, PAA is a very sweet and touching movie....It just damn nice yaa and the acting is very cute and would definitely bring a smile

I wanna watch this movie...it looks so comical and cute:-

Being Forced....

2010-01-06T22:03:00.003+08:00

Currently, seeing all the situations and how everything is going and all, all that I can say is that it is F**KING painful...So painful that upon thinking about it, the tears refuse to stop.....Why must this happen all over again??

Even then, the happiness I was feeling was totally drowned and just when I tot I can recover and achieve that happiness again, once more-it is being snatched away from me, forcing me to succumb and let go no matter how tightly I attempt to have a grip on it....It hurts, it hurts very badly.....this is one thing for which I really cant forgive-for depriving me of this happiness-SCREW U!

Once more, I find myself looking out and searching for the happiness which I feel tat I am not blessed to have at all.....It hurts nonetheless to see the happiness on others faces and to see my plans juz fading away........

Tired......

2010-01-02T22:50:00.002+08:00

Its just the start of the year but for some damn reason, I am feeling damn exhausted.... Be it complaining or talking abt my interest, it feels like I am talking to the air....

Happy New Year!

2010-01-01T00:00:00.001+08:00

WISHING ONE AND ALL A VERY VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!!!

May the new year bring wif it lots of happiness, love and success for one and all :)

Happenings.....

2009-12-26T00:25:00.002+08:00

Parde Ke Peeche Parda Re...

This is one song that seems to be so ever true in every kind of situations......I felt as if I would have so much to write but right now, My mind is totally blank.....

In the end, I chose to go wif her.....despite all tat I feel n say, she is mine and mine alone right?-in a way that is.... Hmmm...its scary to be growing up..

Videos Once Again

2009-12-18T01:07:00.006+08:00

These two movie trailer look so awesome esp-MNIK...Why is it tat the actors seem to be getting better looking as they age?? Is it the magic of Make-Up?!? Nonetheless, both the Khans are really looking good in the movie...but, overall, Bobby Deol is the best looking-Saw the movie Ek recently n his look is WOW, though the make-up artist must have been crazed abt the whole guy n eye liner thing but he still looks-HOT!!!

Ok, I din know that there had been a portion of shooting for this movie done locally here in Singapore itself...WOW....but the song is cute...

This video totally ROCKS!!! Shahid Kapoor is an awesome dancer n the song is juz -Amazing!!! The line-Saala Pappu bhi naach ke dikhayega reminds u of JTYJN....Cute! SK looks very funny @ 00:49 and totally comedian n hilarious from 00:59-1:01 esp wif the lyrics, haha too cute.....Watch it:-

Grow Up!

2009-12-14T23:54:00.002+08:00

Seriously.....S.R is something that would always be around as difference in opinions and thinking would result in clashes but to become so childish as to act so immature...seriously-time to act ur age..

You say to me, I keep quiet and juz take it in though it wasnt true.....When now, I say it back to you, whereby it applies to ur situation, you blow up?!? Think abt others as well before you speak next time if u gonna be so childish...

Damn Outdated

2009-12-12T21:15:00.002+08:00

Well....My blog has totally been dead for quite some time...have always been putting off the idea of bloggin though I have had so much to blog about:-

->Well, I finally got my DL!!! Haha....I was so happy upon receiving it and after checking it for any mistakes and such and holding it in my hands for 10 mins, I just placed it back in the envelope and just resumed doing my own work...Seriously, though there is a sense of excitement and thrill, it soon dies down cos it not as if am gonna be driving soon or such...But I really wanna drive soon- I juz have the fear of forgetting all that I have learnt. I was so high whenI got the chance to reverse my dads van for juz 2 seconds. Soon la Soon eh....Hopefully :P

->Met up wif Mynah and her two niece on Monday when she called me and went to see the X'Mas light up with them....and it was oso nice chatting wif her and catching up and getting 'updated'. Also, we walked to PS whereby we juz dropped in Build-A-Bear and luckily, Van Baby was working there so got to meet her oso!! The way the Mynah was 'commanding' her nieces, was juz hilarious='Say Hello.', 'Got say Thank you?'...haha seriously this Mynah and her way of talking is one of a kind....Came home and when I read the papers, my horoscope said-A friend makes a request late in the day n u wud do well to respond quickly. Even if u r tired or stressed out, helping him/her in a small way is sure to pay off for u. Was really shocked, should I say, since it was so damn accurate....

->Met up wif Aisha after a damn long time. Turned out, she had wanted to see the Lights decorations along Orchard Road so we had met up there, also got to meet the Mynah and Starshea, she a totally pretty and a very nice person. Once again, we walked to PS and again dropped by and saw Van baby and then Aisha and me got ice creams and we sat and caught up wif one another...then Van baby came over once her job was over and then it was three ppl talking and juz crazily chatting away....Lo and Behold, saw Nisa and Starshea again, called her then she oso came over....'What are you still doing here? Your mother still haven call ar?'-This was how she reacted upon seeing me for the 2nd time in a day....n yea it was true, surprisingly, my mom din call until I called her up myself-reason being:she was too into the movie they were watching. This was a total crazy day whereby I met up wif 3 of my darlings and met a new fren....

->Went over to Van baby house and later, Mita oso came over and thats when we enjoyed the Ajab Prem Ki... movie. Thereafter, we were working on the cards as well as doing nonsensical stuffs and all of a sudden-it was 9 pm!! We went down to the bus stops, getting ourselves a Choc smoothie along the way, Vans recommendation, which was delicious!!!

->Went to temple after so long, last time was for the Navaratri Havan, and it was a total horror!!! Seriously, I had to go alone as Mom and Chotu had went over to the fellas house and Anshu was gonna be coming over with his frens....I realised that I dun really have ppl wif whom I hang out upon gg to temple-Sonu, she's enjoying in India[she is my perfect partner, shes usually the one I am wif], Poonam n Ruchi were having night classes....Guddu was wif both her sis and they were sittin on the Level one wif 'HER'....I felt such like an ASS enterin the temple alone and not knowing what to do. I'm grateful to Ashok uncle's wife, this wonderful lady who is very lifely and lovable for having approached me to join her and her 'gang' when she saw me sitting alone. Frankly speaking, though I was sitting with them, I still felt so weird and it was a totally awkward feeling. When the 'Barat' came and all went out to see, I found myself gg to the second floor and all along, I was juz sitting there and watching the whole thing. Was thankful Van had the time and she actually called me and was there wif me for a while....took my lil bro's DS and started playing wif it then these two kids came over and started saying 'I want to Play, Give me-I want to play', they were actually almost gonna snatch from me...OMG Kids today are turnin out to be total HORROR!!! Well, slowly slowly, seconds slowly turned to minutes and soon, it was 10...Mom asked to go down n join her. Met up wif Nisha didi after so long and her daughter was so cute, she had to be bribed by me with a sweet to come and say hello to me...but
she was still cute and she entertained me for a while before running away........Finally, we left!
I juz realised that I am unable to actually open up and make frens. I am thankful to the Aunty for the fact that she came over and asked me to talk to the girls around her and not sit alone but I found myself unable to talk to them about anything. I was quiet after saying Hello...maybe, I am too used to the babes I hang around with.....But still, it was a totally weird experience....
I also saw that I am too attracted to kids and babies....I found myself playing wif this lil baby before he ran off...It was also amazing playing with Nisha didi's kid...she was so cute the way she was doing the opposite of whatever I would be saying to her but she was still cute and fun!! It was still nonetheless, very painful juz watching him and her run around and not be able to go and hug them or play with them....maybe, I am not blessed to be an Aunt who can actually be able to meet up wif her niece and nephew or even at least be able to form a relationship wif them whereby they can recognise that I am their aunt...It juz hurts, everytime I find myself feeling so excited whenever they are born and making plans of playing wif them or even bringing them out on outting and such in the distant future and yet, the whole dream shatters the same way everytime wif me not even being able to talk to them.....When can I actually be an Aunt and be able to do the duties and all of being an Aunt??!!??

I recently saw this phrase to which I feel that it is so true and can totally relate to:-

"IT IS VERY PAINFUL TO BE BETRAYED BY SOMEONE YOU TRUST. NO MATTER HOW COMMON IT IS IN THIS WORLD, IT STILL NEVER STOPS BEING PAINFUL."-Aihara Miki

WELL, finally my blog is UPDATED.....

Movies Watched

2009-12-12T20:59:00.000+08:00

Finally, after so long, got to watch movies!! Well, though there is a stack of cds sitting-thanks to Deepak Bhaiya, only watched Dil Bole Hadippa as well as Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani at Van Baby's house....

Ajab Prem Ki Ghazab Kahani-
This movie is very damn cute...seriously the whole storyline is comical and very sweet....to think of it overall, the story in it is a rather common love story which sorta is like overused but still this movie-it was juz so capturing that though you know what is gonna happen next, you are nonetheless still stuck glued to your sofa till the movie ends!!!
It is really very very comical...there is this part whereby Jenny has been kidnapped and Prem goes to her rescue. So she is happy to see him and comes running down the stairs shouting "Prem, Prem, Prem' all the way...and when you expect them to embrace, she runs past him and out of the door, to his horror, then comes back running the same way as there are men chasing her. Seriously, the whole movie is very funny and sweet....the family love shown in it is oso-WOW!!!

Dil Bole Hadippa-
Yea, I know I am watching this movie like very way past the excitement for it has died away...but still, well the movie has a wide genre in it-gender bender, love n such.....
The movie is cool and all but the love story in it totally makes you go-AWWWW...and leaves you thinking that they should have had more romantic encounter moments...but seriously, after watching the lovey dovey parts, you seriously go AAWW-well, atleast for me as well as Van oso...hahaha..but it is still a movie to be enjoyed...

Suprise....

2009-12-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

Today was a great day of suprise....shall post more abt it when I get the pics from Mita...so stay tuned!!

Well it seems tat I wud have to await for eternity before I can get my hands on the pics from Mita-she seems to be taking forever to upload them-Damn the Nurse :P So I wud attempt to narrate the situation:-

Ok-We had went to Pasir Ris beach to check out the place but apparently it seemed that the place turned out to be very spooky looking...there wasnt much lighting....but it was nice as in windy and all though it had a fishy smell....Well, we decided to sit around as it was windy and all and we kinda decided on the invitation cards and all...ok then all of a sudden, Van asked me if I wanted to go to the washroom which I dared not because of the surroundings and instead suggested to pack up and leave...to which Van said-Huh....

Haha...well then Mita takes out a Four Leaves plastic and said that she had brought something for us....I was-India has Four Leaves and thats when the two suprised me wif birthday cake....this was followed by huggies, and then they both sang me a very fast birthday song due to the reason that it was very windy n we din want the candle to be doused.....and after that-My babes took out a very nice Mango bag for me.....

The whole thing was very sweet n awesome...The best thing was when Van said-Why is it that every time things have to be done in a rush for my b'day surprise...hahaha....this year was fast singing of Bday song and last year, the two attempted to quickly light the candles so as to surprise me b4 I entered my room-which I spoiled since I juz opened the door while they were still fretting=but my darlings are very cute whenever they rush n the way they wud react whenever I wud spoil it....WOW I am always spoiling my own surprise wif them eh.......

There was oso this instance whereby there was a cat roaming around the pit whereby we were sitting and Van was like chase it away, chase it away...So Mita decided to be the knight in shining armour and started saying-Bil bil bil bil bil.....Van n me were like-Bil Bil??? Then we told that Pagal tat this is Singapore and not India whereby the cat would respond to her Bil Bil...So Mita got up n all of a sudden shouted ROAR and started running after the cat! Imagine a skinny girl, her hair all straight n loose, running with her hands in an attacking manner under the trees in a very poorly lit place-There was a family of three walking by and when Mita shouted ROAR, the poor kid actually jumped before looking behind....=OMG-I can't believe that I am actually laughing so hard that am starting to tear up juz by recounting the whole incident....MITA MITA....seriously-This babe is the total joker among the three of us....

Seriously it was a great surprise n a great catching up wif the darlings.....

Cleared....

2009-12-06T15:47:00.002+08:00

Finally.....I cleared it...couldnt have wished for anything other than that to end the Year in a good way......

I am just still feeling HAPPY and relieved!!!!

Exhausted

2009-12-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

Frankly speaking...I have totally no idea as to why I am feeling this way but after coming back hom yesterday, I have been feeling very exhausted from then on...I even went to sleep early, a first after a very damn long time...I slept for nearly 91/2 hours and yet when I woke up this morning, I felt as if I have no energy at all......

Followed mom for the checkup and thankfully, today was the blissful day whereby they discharged her.....After coming back home, fell flat and when I woke up...was roaming around the house with a lil bit of headache.....Having nothing to do, was made to be the idiot having to go Compass Point to pass the meal and thankfully, it was a cool and refreshing short trip.......

I have seriously no idea as to why am I feeling like this right now...Having no enthusiasm, feeling tired and exhausted=All in all.....I am feeling very lifeless........

AM TOTALLY HATING THIS RIGHT NOW!!!!

Changes that Hurt....

2009-11-24T00:24:00.004+08:00

With all that has been happening and that I have been hearing, frankly speaking it hurts to think that everything done and said can just be destroyed in a moment. To hear them talk about it and try to make fun of it, it can be seen that though they have laughter and smiles on their faces, in truth, they are really hurt. To have the same thing happen to the both of them-they are both really hurt........Everything said and done-if it was to be the case of anyone, I am sure it would be painful but to do this to ur own.....

When I used to see such things on the TV and Movies when I was young, I used to think how can people treat their on family like garbage but now I when I see the same type of things on tv or drama, I feel that this is so expected. In all, the conclusion basically is that TRUST NO ONE...be it some random stranger whom you bump into on the streets or your own child........

I remember that when I once heard him say that why would he depend on us for their old age, I found myself hurt and was really in disbelief but seeing the events that have happened this past few years, I am sure that now, he is even more unwilling to trust in anyone but nonetheless, I still find myself wanting to do things for them...be it now or in the future....at least the most I can do now is to accompany her which isnt really a big thing to me but means a lot to her-so am thankful that with my current lifestyle, at least I can do something for her....It feels nice when I am lying by her side or just sitting beside her and she opens up to me...though the things that are discussed are painful, I realised that both of us just try to laugh it off to ease the pain.....

I am kinda sad that I cant tell her abt things that are happening with him but even about that, I feel sad as to the difference in treatment...it really is painful when I sense the difference but there isnt much that can be done about it...atleast if I know about it, I can expect less and be less disappointed right??...if things are already going this way from now, what would happen in the future-I guess we can only wait and see for the future is an mystery gift which only opens itself when the right time arrives....

Seriously, I wish that I could just bring them with me go off to some other place whereby we could be free of all this but this is a totally impossible wish because try as you like, relations and bonds are something that you can never run away from......It S*CKS!!!

What can we take on trust
in this uncertain life? Happiness, greatness,
pride - nothing is secure, nothing keeps.
~Euripides, Hecuba

It's been long.....

2009-11-23T23:36:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since I last blogged.....frankly speaking I guess the reason would be that my life is seriously going in a monotone direction currently that I an unable to find anything to blog about. I am spending everyday at home, doing nothing but housework...and that's all there is to it.

At times, it feels nice as I relaxed and such but at other times, it just gets too boring when there is nothing to do and nothing on TV as well...even my mom has started to feel bored nowadays....thinking of getting cable.....

At least previously, there were driving lessons that kept me occupied for a few days of the week-the day of the lesson and 2 days before and after the lesson. I still remember that I used to be scared going for the lesson because I didn't really like being scolded by him and I was kinda scared of driving the car but as the lessons progressed, I started looking for to driving and enjoyed it but still hated the scolding part as usually, I was getting scolded for repeating the same mistakes or going slow....and the scoldings would keep ringing in my mind for the days after the lesson...Hmmmm, but now that I have got my license[which I still am not able to believe and am totally over the moon for though I cant rent a car and drive it around], there seems to be not much fun things left to look ahead for.

As much as I would like to go out at the last minute, I am unable to do so for the following two reasons:
-Friends are busy working their ass off unlike me....
-Seating at home has resulted in my bank balance dipping like mad

Thankfully, there is at least the planning for Mita's part for which I can be a lil excited but even that is on hold currently as we are unable to do much without having her see and decide....so we have to wait for her to get back from her lil holiday.........

Seriously...it really is getting boring but though I have complained and yakked so much about it, at times, I am grateful for the lifestyle I am currently leading as I get to take life at a pace which otherwise, I would not be able to do so.....So I guess I am just gonna shut up and ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS......

Videos...

2009-11-15T22:25:00.002+08:00

Once again-m hooked to vids and these are the current ones on repeat:-

Paisa Paisa, De Dana Dan...tis movie was shot in Spore...so its cool to see familiar surroundings in the movie:-

Watched this movie Jaan-E-Mann and this three songs r so captivating....they r damn n nice n happenin.....:-

Am sure all tis vids are a treat for Rac as there is Salman Khan in every single 4 of them....hahaha

My Sexy.....

2009-11-15T21:56:00.003+08:00

Ok can I just say for the nth number of time that I am totally in love wif my nephew-My Sexy Baby....totally head over heels in love with him....I guess the best thing was that when I went to his house n saw him after almost 3 months, he still recognized me and didnt cry when I carried him...the next time, when he came over-he didnt cry when I was playin wif him as well and the most best thing was today....I carried him when we went to fetch him n he stayed wif me thruout, occasionally gg to his mom n granny...but the most touching thing was tat he totally stayed with me....it felt so nice n comfortable....and thruout, I was talking to him n the best wud be when he shaked his head in response to what I said....I am seriously in love wif this Angel........

Babies are truly angels sent to Earth...their smallest action beings upon a smile to everyones face...their smile can melt the most stony hearts.......totally beautiful gifts.....

I got It!!!

2009-11-12T21:17:00.002+08:00

Was so happy when he said you passed. I actually didnt hear him the first time and said-Sorry? -You passed. -OMG!! Thank You so much!! Kinda stupid response eh...but when he gave me the paper and I walked out, I looked like an ass smiling to myself...was so happy calling up and smsing dear ones to tell them abt it....A imp person was missin as shes abroad....suprisingly, while awaiting to watch the video-met up wif Sec school mate Ron...It was nice meeting someone unexpectedly.......

The TP ppl really know how to get to you....Just when you are on top of the moon, smiling and laughing non-stop, crying tears of joy, they send you to watch a video which shows you gory images...but I guess in a way, it is the right time to show you as its betta to learn early....

Am just so happy and thankful to GOD for being truly gracious to me and blessing you thoroughly!!! Am just still in disbelief tat I have got it and am now wondering-WHAT NOW??

Driving.....

2009-11-05T19:01:00.002+08:00

Right now, I am so very freaking out about it all....the days are totally creeping up .....Yesterday was the most horrible lesson ever-got so much scolding, as if the scoldings from all the lessons got accumulated and were blown off at me yesterday.....haha well, at least today was much better, at least the car didnt have to die 3-4 times...haha I killed the car 3-4 times yesterday...haha........Well, am keepin my fingers crossed.....

Along with that, I hope to get it-I really want it!!! I mean this is something that can please both my parents and me-Please GOD!!!

Life's Lessons

2009-11-01T19:13:00.000+08:00

While thinking back on the sms that she had sent me, I decided to rethink why did I even type out such an sms to her in the first place. As I reread the sms that I had sent to her, I realised that whatever I had typed was exactly how I was feeling......to tell the truth, I dont feel it a bad thing actually since feeling this way actually made me feel better because this way, I stopped having the childish thought which I have had till now...In a way, I can say that I have matured...I have stopped having expectations and believing because they have led to nothing but disappointment and also because actually believing just lead me being in pain...all the expectations and trust that I had towards them lead to nothing more than them just turning their backs at me, stabbing me in the back, calling me a liar and such on......Thankfully, with the way that I am feeling right now, I can simply say-WADEVA without feeling a tinge of pain my heart .....

Life is said to be a bed of rose,
I have slept on this bed and experienced the most beautiful smells and dreams.
However, I have bleed as well on this same bed of roses,
as I was pierced by the thorns which had always been there but I chose to not look at.
Having gone through both the pain and joy, I feel myself becoming more matured along with armouring myself to prevent myself from being pierced again.

Will the protection that I am taking from being pierced lead me to becoming an unfeeling person towards them? This I do not know and frankly, I cant be bothered because I know that in the end, I am nothing more than a person for them to put the blame on as well as a person for them to ridicule....You laugh at me just because I am a quiet person who does not voice out, I say that its your stupidity to think this way because something that you do not expect can be just a time bomb ticking away before exploding....
I know myself the best and I know the reason why I choose to take it in myself instead of voicing out, an action which hurts a lot and yet I continue to do it....I realise the reason is simply because I love them and do not want them to be hurt because of me. However, just because I am quiet, I am not an idiot nor a simpleton...I take in all the things that are happening around me and this better helps me to figure out the type of person you are.....
In the end, I find out that even though the word is one whereby you should be feeling comforted, I find myself not being able to think about being there and fitting in with one and all....Instead, I feel like an outsider and I suppose-that is how I have been treated by them....Well, WHATEVER.....it is not like I am ever going to living there.........
Sometimes, I feel like whether I even want to here, where I am.....Well, if things go wrong with 'Him' as well, I guess I would really consider going off to a place where I can be free of all these things, though it would mean leaving my life behind.....
Words such as 'family' and phrases such as 'helping each other out in times of need' are nothing more than a few letters put together=MEANINGLESS!

Missing Home....

2009-10-28T21:15:00.002+08:00

Wow-Cant believe that Bhaiya ald left for India...suprisingly, I did not shed a tear-I guess the reason is that I am holding onto the believe that he is going to be back in a jiffy, say a week or two.

I really miss India-it seems like everyone but me is going back....I mean-yea I had went there for a few days but come on, going back after 5 years...a few days isnt sufficient at all......
I keep remembering my family....Come to think about it, I guess I have the closest attachment to India Buas family of all, from dads side that is.....I seriously love this family of 5:
-Phufa and the sarcastic things that he says that just cracked us up sumtimes...
-Indu Bua and the way she wud be laughin at lil things when we were going out and the way she is always there......
-Monu Bhaiya~fav~...everything abt him from top to toe is loved by me!!! He is jus my dearest Bhaiya!!!
-Sonu Bhaiya~buddy~...apparently, my slacker buddy has currentl left n gone to India, it always felt nice when he wud sweep n I moped, he helped me to realise a dream of mine=sum1 helping me wif the housework
-Bittu Bhaiya~the cool dude~haha, BB is just CUTE!! Seriously...compared to the prev visit, he has totally grown up tis time and it always feels very nice chatting with him online...

He is Gg

2009-10-27T00:22:00.003+08:00

I cant believe that Cuz is gg back to India-NOOOO!!!! It is gonna be such a diff feeling without our older bro ard. I hated myself for the weak form that took over me when I heard the news-the form whereby I was constantly on the verge of tears and I am really thankful for the words that he said upon coming back home..I am really hoping he comes back damn soon and am keeping my fingers crossed for tom....

I also hope that with whats gonna happen, history would not repeat itself and I pray that nothing like the two prev ones happen wif this one..

This year is really going bad......

Mehndi For Sheetal Di

2009-10-25T21:41:00.002+08:00

Recently, had done mehndi for Sheetal Didi as she prepared to fast for Karwa Chauth. Jus got the pics from here....... Haha, I feel such an beginner:-

I messed up on her left leg as that was when Shushil was asking me to rush.....Haha...sucky eh...but personally, I like how I did for her right leg....

Videos...

2009-10-20T19:54:00.002+08:00

Once again, I am hooked to watching Vids online and this r the few tat r jus on the repeat list, for now,...This is wad happens when U have nothing to do-U becum a com addict=

Songs of movies:-

Ajay Devgan looks so cool wif tis diff avatar:-

Wow-Seeing Preity Zinta after so long....

This is the movie tat was shot in Spore:-

Movie

2009-10-19T19:35:00.000+08:00

For the very first time, we went for a movie as a family. Went to watch All The Best n this film is totally marvelous-its a nonstop laughter marathon...it was totally worth it......

Happy Diwali!!

2009-10-17T19:29:00.003+08:00

Wow-so soon n Diwali is here....hmmmm well, no matter how we celebrate it here, truthfully speaking, nothing can beat celebrating Diwali or any festival for that matter of fact in India!!! I still remember celebrating Diwali in India 5 years ago and that was totally the best.....
Well, we still celebrated and for tat, wud let the photos do the talking....

Our very first whole family photo....

The fella who got soaped

Me wif missing hands?!? ... haha

The bacha party...

Pushover

2009-10-04T23:03:00.002+08:00

Recently, due to whatever has been happening, I have been thinking and I realised that people actually take me to be a pushover esp over there-a person who wud do wad u tell them to do. Yea I accept the fact that if a family member or a fren asks me to do sumthing, I wud do it only if it is within my means. However, it seems that people, esp over there take me to be some sorta of an idiot given the fact that I dont speak up and such....
Take for example this conversation-
Me: How does A know abt this issue? I tot noone this side noes abt it?
M: I dont. Since she knows, sum1 must have told her.
The next day, on the phone-
M: P was asking how does A know abt this issue?
She: I dont know. Must be P who shud have told her.

Ok, like taking this conversation as an example-what wud u interpret from whatever has been said above?!? For me, the whole thing felt so stupid! I mean-Come On! If I had told her, why the F*** wud I be asking?!? Seriously Stupid thing......From this, I know that she is the one who told since only she knew abt it....and to push the blame on me???-Screw this......

I am glad that at least one person, apart from me is seeing the positive side of me taking a break. I was so happy when she said to me -take this time that you have to groom yourself-take care of your hair and yourself as well.....I was really happy when my dear said that...but the following thing she said instantly made me pass the phone back to my mom....Marriage!!

Ok-I mean wads up with that??!!?? I didnt really realise that once one matures, this becomes an constant topic. Ok-while we are at it...the K fast is coming up-the one whereby the wife fasts the whole day w/o water and food for her husbands longevity....Not that I am against this kinda fasting thing and all but thinking thru it....I realise that all this thing is backdated. I mean its ok to fast and all but why only the wife?? The same for Rakhi-I learnt this year that the sis must fast for her bro till the stated time..Ok-why only the sis??!!?? This is why I say that this thing is backdated. As compared to last time whereby the woman used to stay at home and take care of house thigns only, woman have now stepped out to work and are at the same level as the men.....so why do only the female gender need to fast and that oso, the females fast only for the males-son, brother and husband...there is no such thing whereby one fasts for their daughter....BIASNESS!!!!!

Seriously...I don really care that much abt all this things...but if I were to have to do it, I wud make sure that the other party, for whom the fast is, does it with me!!

What is ur opinion abt this????

Marina Barrage Outting

2009-09-26T22:44:00.006+08:00

Ok apparently the flu bug seems to be spreading around the house esp wif Dad and Anshu catching it and passing on...Was feeling so tired and lethargic during tuition yesterday and I kept sneezing non-stop, and the dear student of mine called me a Devil!!!-reason being that I give too much homework?!?

Well, met up wif the Mynah and B***h at Marina Barrage. It was steaming hot-totally! Was perspiring non-stop! Well the one thing that I have learnt from India trip is to always have a hankie with you-it does a much more better job than tissue paper......
Well: it was cam-whoring time, which was more or less the reason that we went there apart from meeting up...haha ....well it was great fun taking the pics but being the stiff person I am, most of my pics turned out so bad that I look like an idiot in them......

After wandering around and all-we went off to see the movie-FAME! It is damn nice and very very sweet n inspiring kinda movie, I guess to me the main thing learnt from the movie is to discover what u r capable of and keep heading towards your destination no matter whatever obstacles you face, whether big or small-Just keep moving On!

The pics taken during Marina Barrage outting:-

scenery...
Well, turns out tat I love shots of water....so here are a few:-
love this fountain...

totally in love with this shot-wud be so perfect w/o the construction sign behind..

loves...

loves once again...

Well, turns out tat Nisa has some sorta obsession wif legs/feets, so here are pics of our feets....

Our shoes/sandals...

In the water...

Footprints of the 3 of us...

Photos of Us: Tall, Grande and Venti

Ok, I so don look like myself here....posing and all, haha...

Me and Rac under the water...

Us two again...playing wif water..

Finally, the three of us....

Pics of Jus Me:-

Me, wearing the Mynahs shades....

In the water :D

After having got splashed at by the Mynah-Rac took this shot of me....hmmm the drop from the nose looks stupid....

Kicking and getting myself wet...

Splashing and getting myself wet...

lazing around....

This looks stupid I guess??? haha.....

My fav pic of the lot of myself.....totally love this pic!!!!

Photos for BB

2009-09-21T00:08:00.000+08:00

Bittu Bhaiya-my very first cuz bro for whom I tied Rakhi in India, which I also celebrated there for the first time ever. Haha, frankly speaking as compared to the prev trip, BB has matured and grown up alot becos all I can rmb of the prev trip is that he used to bully me a lot but this time, he was very much nicer and very brotherly.......

He came down to Reyav and was the first one to whom I tied since he did it early at ard 2....Haha worse thing was when he asked me to sing!-I tot he was joking but apparently not and luckily for me, I had my S. Mausi-who became my rep and sang for me......haha the song which Rosy so cutily sang and danced to at night....

Bittu Bhaiya-these r all the Rakhi pics that I have.....I am awaiting to receive from u-Which I hope had better be SOON!!!!!!

Other pics wif BB in it....

Cant believe tat I look like so dumb in this pic......

Hmm the single pic I took wif him turned out to be corrupted.........only the one wif him turns out this way...haha....I still cant forget the way he and Gollu Bhaiya went to buy the tea cups and they came back so happily wif the huge ones and had to go and make another round....

Frankly speaking, its really cool tat Buas house has internet now. At least we can chat and best of all is webcam and in this way, the missing feeling is less painful as am able to see them, smiling and running about and even got to see MB being made into a cook and his chowmin, which he didnt make for me-humph! Haha, at this times, one is really thankfully to technology.....

Miss u guys lots!

Suprised!

2009-09-19T22:25:00.000+08:00

Mita is going India! WOW-this is totally sudden and what is even more surpising is that she actually stays in Barhalganj, Gorakhpur!!! The reason for this being suprising is that my dear fren of 13 years actually stays in the same city as me and at the same town as the place where I am familiar with and I get to know it only now......cool eh? Haha...but cool thing is that she is gonna go during the chilly time....November!

Hmmm...my two dear frens not being ard for my bday....I wonder if this actually indicates sumthing......haha...

Ok well, Navaratri has started and once again, my -it- has coincided and am unable to pray but atleast wud be able to attend the haven........

I have no idea as to what is it with it but its my third time within 2 mths.....hmmmm, I wonder wads up with that....

Birthday Wishes

2009-09-18T00:00:00.001+08:00

Happy Birthday to Nan Shi!!
Am missing my partner so much..have yet to see her ever since I came back from India..have to meet up soon and go out, k? Jurong Point is waiting for us, haha!

Birthday Wishes

2009-09-12T00:00:00.000+08:00

Birthday Wishes to the Mynah who turned 21!! Wow......the key to freedom..haha finally attained by the doink eh.....

Haha-Happy birthday Girl!!!

Moving On.....

2009-09-10T20:26:00.000+08:00

In the end-I can just and always only remember this saying=No matter how much you do, in the end, it always falls short! Reason being, this saying totally applies to my life in a perfect way..I always plan or rather hope for my life to go one way and another thing happens that forces it go another totally different and unexpected way....

-I had planned to go JC. However, I ended up doing Poly.
-I had planned on going to India while awaiting the Olevel results. However, I ended up staying here and working.
-I had planned on doing the early edu course. However, I ended up doing Banking n Finance.
-I had planned on going Uni. However, I ended up having to apply for it next year.
-I had planned on going to India in Nov and enjoying myself all the way till Feb. However, I ended up going in Aug and staying only for a month, that also following her around, having to listen and bear with it as she said whatever she wished to others without caring abt moi feelings.....marvelous, aint it-nothing changed despite the fact that I actually followed her cos she was being depressed n worried each day-so abt the thing that I want=Who gives a F*** abt it na?

With all that has happened and all, I guess I am now just to scared to even think or imagine about my future....I really have totally no idea as to what tom holds for me because anything that I am hoping to happen, isnt happening at all-WHY???!!???

I worked so hard and in the end, it all came to naught. The reason being that in the end, all that matters to them is:-
-the fact that I am totally wasting a year, when I shud have worked myself hard enuf to be able to secure a place in Uni
-the fact that other peoples sons are able to get admission letters from two unis and I am at home
Amazing isnt it that now, they are different ppl popping up for them to compare me to whereas last time, there used to be the other Pooja and the reason that she is no longer being dragged into the picture is because she is working?!?

Seriously, why must there be competition, where must there be the talk that this persons son/daughter is doing this, this and this etc.??? I mean, everyones life is different, why just two totally different people be compared with each other? Why cant the fact that the person himself/herself is working hard enuf be a thing to consider???
Why is it that they can look at all the above mentioned things and yet forget about how I used to study to ensure that I cud get thru my ICAs and Exams, why cant they look at the matter that I used to score good marks that placed me the top in class sometimes and congratulate me for that? Why cant they look at the matter that I used to do projects until I wud just totally lose it and start snapping away? Why dont all this things matter to them?
Why can they only see that I am wasting away a year and make me out to be a bad example to the two of them? Why cant it be viewed as an opportunity for me to be able to take a step back and relax? Why cant I be able to do and get wad I want? When I wanted to go for a break, they made me work and when he wanted to work, they sent him on a break-wheres the fairness in this???
All this just because of us belonging in a society which has nothing better to do than to compare one another and bad mouth those who dare to step out and life their own life........Screw this......

Frankly speaking, I am seriously and really damn sick and tired with this whole thing-I guess the reason that I have been whining to my friends about going back to India is because I desire, crave and want a break from all this thats currently going on....I really want a break-GIVE ME A BREAK! This is why everyday, I keep thinking about India and craving to go back....I really wanna go BACK!!!

I jus wan a person with whom I can just blabber out everything and let it all out....I jus want a good cry....

Outdated

2009-09-04T22:18:00.008+08:00

Ok.....its been a while since I blogged...its been 2 weeks since I came back to S'pore and yet my mind and soul is still back in India, my home......I have no idea why but I seriously seriously wanna go back-it cud be due to the fact that I met all my relatives after 5 long years or it cud be due to the reason that my whole family is there except the two cuz sis and cuz bro...........

Frankly speaking, I can still remember the amount of excitement I had for the wedding of my cuz sis's as this meant for the both of them that they got to come to Singapore and for us, it meant having another family member here and yet, they came, got settled and the years went by and yet, there felt no difference that I now have two cuz's here...it felt no different from them not being here....maybe it cud be due to the reason that I was expecting things from them....was I expecting too much??
The happiness of having an older sister or brother is really marvelous-I was so excited about them that I would now have someone older then me, we can go out for movie, dinner or just outtings together......the days, weeks and even months passed by and no such thing happened....

At least thankfully, Sonu bhaiya also came over and at least now it's kinda better as compared to him not here.....we have another sibling with us...it feels nice.....

I really miss home:-

>I miss Nana scolding and the way I fed him the cashew nuts [he's so cute]
>I miss Nani getting and grinding henna for us, and her always asking me to put oil on my hair as well as the way she wud always say abt how we siblings leg is the same as our dad and not our mom's....
>I miss Sabitha Mausi naggin us about housework and the way she wud be calling and saying "Ae Bai/Ho"
>I miss Bala Mausi scolding Pullu {having ganged up wid Golllu as the poor girl literally sat in between} as well as her laughter and the way she played wif the doll
>I also miss my Mamas and Mamis......
>I miss my darling sis Pullu, who was my partner thruout the trip, I miss eating from the same plate as her, I miss the sisterly love I had for her as I "protected" her
>I miss the noisy Bulbul as well as the nonstop talker Rosy..I miss these two dearies who nonsense wud get on our nerves sometimes as well as bring a smile onto our faces
>I also miss Puru for the cute moments he had as he wud purposely tease me and act innocent.....
>I miss my lil cuz Sebbu, Ayush, Nikki and the newest addition-Baby bro=playing and just doing nonsense stuff wif them
>I miss my INDU BUA!!! I miss the way she put oil on my head and gave such a heavenly massage and I just miss her!
>I miss my dearie MB!!! I miss the way he was teasing Pullu, I miss watching or rather channel surfing the TV wif him, I miss his saying "Teri To" and most of all, I miss riding on the bike with him
>I also miss Bittu Bhaiya and his nonsense talking and the way he was constant busily running about the whole day
>I miss the adorable Gollu Bhaiya, and him having come down all the way from Patna to meet us, even missin his lessons for it and the way he tried to make me stop calling him Bhaiya..for tat I still have some getting use to do....well-time would tell>I also miss my Aunty, Uncle and not forgetting the dearie Babita Bua!! It was nice meeting and all..

Seriously, I really feel going back.....is there anyway for that happen...I WANNA GO HOME.............

M Back

2009-08-25T15:30:00.002+08:00

I went to India and am Back already-the whole trip seems to have whizzed by so damn fast.......I miss Home and wanna go back again.....
I got to celebrate one festival there-Rakhi and tied for 4 of my brothers-Bittu Bhaiya, Gollu, Ayush and Puru......

Well, I have lots to write about but am feeling tired still so till then-Enjoy the pics below....

Mom's Side

Dad's Side

Adios

2009-07-24T01:20:00.002+08:00

In 12 hrs, m gonna be leaving Singapore for approx. 27 days-3 days shy of a mth....to think abt it, its quite a short time but there are gonna be so many things m gonna miss....:-
-my family(dad n bros)
-my frens.....
-my mp3(how m I gonna survive w/o music)
-my kdrama(all m left to do is watch their endings :'(.... n other dramas......

Whoa ald having listed these few items, m totally scared abt how time is gonna be spent there but One thing is for sure-when the time comes for me to leave the place,its gonna be even more heartbreaking....cos its a place, no matter how the ppl, where majority of my family is. It takes this incident for me to realise that my parents are really faraway from their hometown, esp my mom-while their other siblings can come down in a day or two by bus n train, for us it takes almost close to a week to head down....but this is how things were fated to be........
Outt of everything, I have learnt to leave things to GOD because everything happens as to how he plans it and not how we want it...Let Nature take its course.....
Till I return-take care one n all and Happy working/slacking!!

Hit Hard

2009-07-16T23:00:00.002+08:00

Wow the disappointment today really hit hard la...I realised that no matter how I tried to take in my tried and move on along with encouragement words from a fren, the disappointment just cudnt go away....the overall feeling was like as if I had failed an exam and in a way or another, it even felt tat way...OMG-I seriously didnt expect myself to be so disappointed la but on the way home and while thinking abt it, cudnt help but feel sad.....Haiz, and Van, wad u said-After doin all this, if I dont get the job, I am so gonna kill myself=I feel like doing that...........I mean seriously-After literally embarassing myself in front of those ppl, I cud die out of embarrasement...-AAGGGHHHHH DAMNIT!!! Saddening la...just cant get over the feeling, and as always, got disappointed aft being so excited...I really hate myself, its like I nvr learn from my lesson that whenever I get excited abt something, disappointment comes attached with that event......damn la...I was really excited and kinda praying for it to happen but it didnt..............

Haiz, and the stupid thing was that I also forgot to bring my wallet...how dumb can I get?? I mena forgetting to bring ur wallet.....haiz.........AAARRGGGHHHHH-I really just cant get over it la.....Now I know how my cuz felt when I passed the BTT and he didnt .... The feeling S.CKS to the core!!!!!

Damn la-I really have no idea what is for me in the future, everything is becoming misty and uncertain, all that I had planned-I feel and somehow know that they wont happen......maybe even the trip, like wad my bro has been saying all this while....=I really wanna know wad my future holds ahead for me.........

Chaos

2009-07-12T21:44:00.002+08:00

This video is so damn cute la......

I seem to be feeling so damn tired of all this-in the end, life isnt as rosy a picture as it appears to be, behind every smile, there are wires there to support it-so many things are damn superficial!!!

I am sick of it all-is this a .a.i.y or a politics zone?!?!? SCREW IT all....

Outdated......

2009-07-06T18:07:00.003+08:00

OMG-Can't believe that JUNE is gone!! I mean its really gone and to think-I cant even rmb what I did the whole month!!!! OMG!!!

Anyway, met up with Van and Mita last mon for Vans bday celebration and our long awaited Riverwalk date-Ok, I know two gulab jamun monsters, namely Van and Nisa-the way the gobble it down......and Van was so cute after that-OMG, I cant believe I ate it all, am I going to die-haha as cute as ever la!! The whole dining experience was cool and all and our dearie Mita attracted two "unwanted" attention.....Also met Nisa after so damn long, and she "drove" the boat we were on......Her job is really cool la........

These few days just seem to be going by so quietly, hearing things has made me think a lot....One thing that I am assured of is that giving birth is one hell of a scary thing!!!I rmb the way Nilu didi reacted when she first gave birth to Navinn, you could feel that she was in damn lot of pain, and Parul didi-hearing that having to go through13-36 hrs of labour pain, and I tot that the only painful thing was wad Mita had said abt......to think that one has to go through so much and then a new life enters Earth!! I am in love with my nephew can??!!! Seriously, I wish I cud go over everyday to play and all but no such thing......Haiz...m in love wif babies!!!You know how ppl in love, at least in movies and all wud say-If u wan I wud get the stars/moon for you, well, in my case is that I want to get all the toys possible for him.........

Well, I have no idea why I have been thinking those things....but of well, having nothing to do, staying at home 24/7 wud definitely make ur brain think nonsense kinda stuff and all.........Am totally bored having nothing to do and all....wish I cud go India right now but even if that were to happen, I wud die out of boredom there and that would be even worse....haiz. to think that if enuf ppl had signed up, I wud be gg for the course and learning new things but NO-it had to get cancelled-DAMN!!!!!!

BORED>>>>>>>My Life is so damn quiet now......and to think that now I want it to be occupied....cant even go out, since no one to go with.....haiz............

BORING....BORING......BORING.....BORING....BORING.....

Plans....

2009-06-28T17:14:00.000+08:00

Haiz, I finally realised that every single time I make a plan and get excited about it, there is likely that something wud happen tat dampens the excited spirit. Like now-take it tat I was being so excited abt meeting the two babes tom and after counting down for so many days and all, just to learn today that tom, my sis has her bathing ceremony......wad to do now? Seriously, everytime I tell myself to not get excited, I do get and in the end, there is surely something......aaaarrrggghhhhhhhhhhh.

Another new moviee........

2009-06-28T00:44:00.001+08:00

Another new movie trailer which caught my attention.....OMG_wad is it with all the movies-why do they all look so nice and tempting to watch???!!!!???

18/09/2009

MAUSI

2009-06-26T23:48:00.001+08:00

I AM A MAUSI ONCE AGAIN!!! The newest addition to my family-my nephew came to this world on 25/06/09 @1924....Haha OMG, in the morning, woke up to the news that my sis had gone into labour and after constantly asking if he was ald born or not....goin for driving and coming back, finally heard the news tht he was born!!! Haha....it was so cool la.....finally after so long was a Mausi once again....The excitement I was feeling-cant express it in terms of Words, can??!!?? Finally went to see her and the lil angel was just so little and light....My mom cud only say one thing-he has so little hair and that was the same thing that my dad said when he came in, turns out tat my Dad went to KK-apparently we had told him the ward, the level and the bed without telling him which Hospital........

Well, have to say one thing that going to the hospital now is a true OMG experience, seriously-u can only go during the restricted visiting hours and the worst thing is that only two visitors at once, when we heard that, our hearts dropped cos taking their whole fam and my mom and me, we were 6 altogether and having to go two by two would have meant lots of wasted minutes and tiring and lots more feeling......in the end-we stayed there till 11, just sitting around, playing wif the baby who was reluctant to wake up and talking.....

Went to do some gift shopping earlier and WOW-I really felt like buyign so many things for her and the kid, from lil clothes to the cute baby wrappers to the mattresses, the pillows and the gym set but there is a limit to what I can do, already with the lil things wad I heard was saddening. Well, anyway-went to see the baby today and thanfully he opened his eyes....OMG a new life on Earth...it was just great.

Really wanna post the pics but am scared of evil eye and such so am gonna leave it, for the better sake of him....

Sometimes, there are somethings tat u wished u cud grow up instantly to experience and yet when u hear the downside of it, u become grateful for how you are right now. But well, whether u want it or not, that thing is certain to happen to u sooner or later........
Heard from my sis abt the nurse who was in labour for BLOODY 36 Hours!!!??!!!-Can u imagine it? The amount of pain that the poor lady had to go thru? From wad I have seen from the two of my cuz sis and wad I heard from Mita-this is one hack of a painful experience and the worst thing is that the pain isnt just for that specific period, it stays not only for a few hours but for few days....OMG-SCARY SCARY!!!! But the joy that a new life brings is really magnamious.....everyone is suddenly in smiles, talking in baby language which sounds like music to the ears......Haiz, totally cant stop smiling while looking at his pics.....

Videos Times

2009-06-24T12:28:00.000+08:00

OK, can I just say that it is so cool now that there are so many movies coming out that I feel like watching them all.....Firstly K.I, NY and Love Aaj Kal....whoa....just watch the following vids....they r so cool:-

->K.I

->New York

->L.A.K

Babies...and the joy they bring.......

2009-06-16T12:03:00.000+08:00

Went to cuz house on Sunday to visit her n see her newborn kiddie-who is ald ard 4 to 5 mths old. Before gg there,went shopping wif mom to buy things such as clothes n all and I foind myself wanting to buy so many things for her-which I think was due to the excitement of meeting a baby as well as gratitude for Ritu didi who has done so much...it was due to her tat I recently graduated wif a Dip in B&F. Haha well, we went to her house and it was such a cool and happy thing seeing tat cute lil child. She was just bursting of energy and her smile was so charming-it was so cool but the poor kid was suffering, having come from America, she was suffering with the scorching heat and the way she was trying to sit up but all she cud manage was to pull her head up....she was just so the very much CUTE!! The greatest thing was observing the adults. Firstly, the sis who had turn into a mom was so happily 'vibrating' her, making her fly like an aeroplane and all. The grandmother was talking 'BoO bAA' It was so CUTE just listening to her...and the grandfather was so happily showing the baby gym corner and the baby vibrating chair and all just like how someone would be showing off his car......2he whole visit was so cool and fun.....wow Babies really change the whole household upside down.....Cant wait for the arrival of another angel...